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Dating after a divorce

Is not always easy after an ugly divorce  - tips on how to change it

Beth writes, "I am a never-married, single woman in my 30s living next door to a divorced man (late 40s) I am very attracted to.  He has never told me, but I believe his divorce was bitter. I have every indication that this man likes me too (Plus a couple times, I've overheard him talking to his friend about me. Once I heard him say he wants to have a relationship, but he's scared.). We do small talk in our backyards every now and then and I made an attempt last week to invite him over for dinner, but he made up some kind of excuse that he had to work in the morning and do yard work in the afternoon. I don't know if that WAS an excuse or if he's just scared. I have lived next door to him for 3 years and I have never seen a woman at his house, and I don't believe he dates. I know if he gave it a chance, it would be worth it for both of us, although, I don't want to be mean, but if there is no hope for us, I don't want to waste my time, sort of speak. I don't feel I owe him anything at this point because we are not in an official relationship, but when I think about dating other people, I feel guilty, which is weird, I know! I just don't want to "invade" his space, since he does live right next door to me. So I guess my question is, should I let it go, or keep trying? And if I should keep trying, how can I carefully move forward with him?"

Regarding your situation, I would suggest a more delicate/subtle approach since if something goes wrong, it will be awkward being neighbors. First of all, it is natural for people to get bitter after an ugly divorce. Many people completely withdraw from romantic relationships because they just don't want to deal with the challenges of a relationship. Others can be even bitter and cold to colleagues and even strangers. I am starting to wonder if that is what has happened to him.  (Related:  Get fair share after divorce)

Since you have invited him only once, let us give him the benefit of doubt - he really was busy. Plus, for a man like him it seems that a dinner would sound like something too formal. So I would suggest something so casual that he can't say No. For example, if I was working in my yard and you called me to share a burger because you were grilling right there, it would be hard for me to say No at lunch time. You get the idea. Depending on your situation you might be able to come up with similar scenarios to at least go one step beyond polite small talk with neighbors.

It might also be good to chat with him more often and even ask for his help, e.g. change a kitchen faucet. So something like that would be a good excuse for him to help a lady in distress. That would give you a chance to chat a little more and maybe offer a drink - again, something that does not require that he dress up and bring a bottle of wine.  (Related:  Life after divorce for women)

I would say that you should try along these lines 2-3 times and if still nothing works out I would suggest "seduction" which may work because apparently he has an interest in a relationship with you (if what you overheard is right). This will not be my first step, though, since he might get too scared of you (How to treat your ex) and consider you an aggressive person.  (Related:  How to seduce men)
How to date other people?

Once you know the outcome of this exercise and realize that he is just a "stone," it will set you free. I think you are feeling guilty because somehow you want this to work out and feel that it is almost like "cheating" to date anyone else. But at some point when you conclude that he is really a waste of time, you can move on and date other men.

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