Christmas and Custody - It has an interesting ring to it; doesn't it? Almost as if the words are meant to go together. Too bad though that when combined they tend to conjure up some negative connotations.  (Related:  Selma Blair divorce)

So what can you do as a parent to make this coming Christmas an enjoyable one for your child?

Here are some suggestions:

a. Get a head start on discussing with your ex how the holidays will be shared. The sooner the better!!! These types of arrangements can't be left to the last minute like gift buying....

b. If you are unable to negotiate holiday time sharing with your ex and there is no court order in place, then take the steps now to get things formally lined up. Just like the stores are packed with Christmas shoppers, so are the courts. Again, don't wait!!

c. Don't get into a competition match with your ex over who can buy the most or the costliest gifts for your kids. It will only stress you out and it will send the wrong message to your children - like - affection can be bought. So no matter how vulnerable you may feel - don't do it! What your kids need most is YOU and the attention you provide to them.  (Related article:  Give gifts with meaning)

d. Try to establish new family traditions. Maybe buy new ornaments or do something new and special with your children this Christmas.

e. Involve your children in gift buying and gift wrapping. It's a nice way to spend time together and to reinforce the value of giving to others as well as pointing out to them who the important people in their lives are.  (Related: Retaliation affair)

f. If the children are too young to buy a present for your ex, take them out shopping and get a gift for them. It will show them that you respect the other parent and it will make them feel good about being able to give them a gift. Who knows...it may also have a positive effect on your ex.  (Related:  How to organize your life)

Christmas and the holiday season should be about happy times spent with family and friends. Unfortunately for many children caught in their parents' divorce wars, it is often far from that.

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