Find common ground

This is the only way to resolve a conflict

Kristin writes, "When I was dating my husband, we casually discussed having children and he did not say much. I simply assumed that he was like most men out there. During the first few years of our marriage, neither of us wanted children so we didn't talk much about it, but now I am approaching 40, and when I wanted to get pregnant, he says he does not want children. I love him a lot, he is a wonderful husband, but I feel deceived. How can we work this out?"

If marriages were like business deals, we would sign up detailed contracts with all such important details discussed in depth. Unfortunately, not only is it possible to discuss many things in detail prior to the wedding, one has a right to change one's mind in a marriage. The net result is that for a strong marriage to stay that way, each and every day, we have to find common ground.

Steps to resolve a conflict by finding a common ground

See the other angle of the story. Have you tried to find out why he may not want kids? If so, take the time to talk to him and get to understand his views and issues.

Discuss alternatives. Unless he is opposed to having children altogether in the household, there are other options for you to be a mother, for example, adoption. Even if he does not want children in the household, you can spend time with children by volunteering or becoming a foster family.

In conclusion, what I am saying is that unless you both work to find a common ground, there will only be bitterness and frustration - not something helpful to a relationship.

How to find common ground?

This is the only way to resolve a conflict