Is there a pleasant way to have a breakup? I guess 'pleasant breakup' sounds like an oxymoron but indeed there are cases when one can break up without generating tremendous amount of negative feelings. As is often the case, to simply disappear or not answer requests for even talking about it, is also not the right way to handle a breakup. After all were you not with this person engaging in some of the most intimate things imaginable, and now you do not even want to get face-to-face with that person?  (Related:  Breakup for the first time)

I should, however, clarify that there are exceptions to making elegant breakups.  While you should always maintain a pleasant demeanor (mean behavior does not help anyone), it is perfectly acceptable to let your disappointment be known when the person has hurt you by cheating or otherwise breaking the rules of the relationship.  Such honorable behavior might earn you the respect  of your partner and also make her/him realize the gravity of the situation.  In fact an approach like this might even make the relationship work again.  As Dr. Robert Huizenga, author of the book "Break Free From The Affair" points out, "80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision and over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce."

In some situation, while one partner has made up his or her mind about moving on, it is not always because of the other partner being a mean-spirited soul. In such cases, it is so difficult to look someone in the eye and say that you do not love them any more despite how great you are. This is when people just disappear, and their assumption is that they are making it easy for both parties - no need to be embarrassed, no need to apologize. Many people criticize this approach as those of self-centered folks who were thinking that something was wrong, or they had to leave but they didn't have the guts to tell their lover about it, because they cannot face the emotional bomb they have created with there partner, and just like a coward, they disappear leaving the other person confused and heart-broken. This is an approach that no expert recommends.  Susie and Otto Collins, a couple specializing in relationships, write in their book Should I Stay or Go, "A lot of people ( and couples) think that if they don't really focus on the issue of whether they want to stay in or leave their relationships--that the problems will magically somehow heal themselves."  They don't and by running away you are not only hurting the other person but also denying yourself the experience of dealing with an issue in a respectable manner.  You owe it to the person you loved that you at least have the decency to say a proper goodbye.  (Related article:  When is a good time to breakup?)

I know in some cultures, for example in Japan, there is one scenario which works very well. You meet the person for the final time and generally bring a small gift, you tell him or her that you would like to move on (you do not need to give a reason and no one will typically press you for one - I mean isn't it pretty simple to conclude that if someone wants to end the relationship they probably have very strong reasons for it), and then apologize a little. Very soon, you forget your past and move on. I like it, particularly the gift part - something to remind you of the beautiful memories with that person you found so special at some point in your life. Akiko, a Japanese friend of mine, explained it to me this way, "We are raised to be proper and to not upset men. So by buying expensive gifts, we try to compensate for the breakup and also in hopes of not angering our boyfriend."