|
|
How do you feel about
an intimate relationship with someone that you do not know really well? Is romance essential prior to
being intimate? Do you want it to be short and passionate so that it remains a sweet memory so that you can still move on with your life? These are some questions that I started to investigate when several of my clients came to me with all kinds of emotional problems after such
experiences. Surprisingly enough, three out of four were women. I understand that men can have
such an experience and not even think about it the day after. On the other hand, even when they knew it to be a
one-time deal, women felt an
emotional connection with the person and thought about it for a long period of time.
In fact, in some cases, the continued to think for a
long time and in the end, were heart-broken for months.
(Related article: Casual
relationships on business trips)
Girls have pretty diverse attitudes about
intimacy and love. More than half of my clients do not become
intimate with someone they do not know
well. As one client of mine tells me, "I try to stay away from such adventures even if I am
desperate. I have since learned to
use toys instead.
I have done the short and passionate romance thing and all that caused me was a lot of heartache. I still cannot get rid of these men in my life. I knew what I was getting into and felt that I would be OK but it did not work out that way. I still think of at least three of my lovers."
It was not easy for her to work with me for more than
three months to erase the (sweet) memories and move
on. As Kara Oh, the relationship expert and writer
of the book "Men
Made Easy," asks women, "Do you still
believe in romantic
love? Do you long to have it be a
part of your relationship? Are you willing to admit that
you want the little-girl dreams of a handsome prince
carrying you off to his castle to live happily ever
after? You’re not alone. Most women do." Women are simply too emotional creatures and even in a
casual relationship, they fall in love to some extent.
Another client of mine says, "Before I
become intimate with someone, I need to know if there is at least something else beyond my body that is attracted to me. I don't think romance is always essential prior to
being intimate. Sometimes I want it to be short and passionate, for example,
romance on a
vacation, or a short affair on a business
trip, or even a one-night
thing, because I want the fun without the
commitment."
My analysis shows that such romances do more harm than good for most women because women have a hard time compartmentalizing romance and
intimacy. For women, romance leads to intimacy in the end, and thus, even in spur-of-the-moment
intimacy, they need an element of romance. There will be times when you will simply wish for some
fun but if you can't get romance, I would say, stay away from it. Use
toys instead. They do not leave you feeling hurt and you can move on without pain. If you still want it, then think of it is
a fun activity and keep the emotions out. Remember, it is likely that the man will try to get you all emotional about it to make you do it but he is only
lying. And you don't have to buy into his lies. But if you still want something that is not powered by a battery, just think of it as another toy that you can play with for a while even if
"batteries not included." Recommended links:
Women's needs for intimacy
End casual relationship |
