The other related issue is how active a role should a woman play when it comes to expressing her wishes related to romance. For example, if she likes to be hugged more often, should she clearly tell him so even if men do not necessarily believe in hugging and cuddling? What if she is afraid that he will leave her if she talks more openly and might come across as more aggressive?   (Related article:  Honesty in communication among couples)

The ideal scenario would, however, be that we will all have perfect communication among us and nobody will be in trouble for sharing what is in our hearts. Unfortunately, this is not the way things work. Particularly in the current environment modeled on the "Sex and the city", there is an unhealthy dose of skepticism among all of us when we approach members of the opposite sex. 

Accordingly, one has to think of a strategy for communication with the opposite sex. In extensive discussions with my clients, I have learned that what works best is to follow the rule of thumb: "Longer the relationship, more the openness". Trying to be intimate early on in the relationship can backfire most of the time. It can be perceived as being unrefined, aggressive, weak, and whatever else the next person can think of. On the other hand, not opening up when the relationship becomes more intimate can present problems - lack of trust, confusion, frustration, and dilution of intimacy.  (Related:  How to improve face to face communication)

I always advise my female clients to not ask too many questions early on in the relationship. This comes across to men as being too nosy and essentially reinforces stereotypes of women. It is much better to share a little secret of your own first and then ask a follow-on question. Men tend to be less comfortable talking about themselves. Thus, they rarely speak about their innermost self unless someone probes hard; but, then they get defensive if someone does that. So it is better to let the men do the talking when they are ready. That way they can really feel that a woman has earned their trust and they are ready to share.   

For my male clients, I suggest a "strategy of ignorance". I advise them to start with the assumption that they know little about a woman (isn't it true that most women think that men hardly know anything about women?). That way they can use each new person in their life as a textbook to be studied well from beginning to end. I suggest simple steps: read, think, analyze, reflect, ask questions, and if you still don't understand, then seek help from a teacher. This works most of the time because nothing pleases a woman more than a man who is seriously interested in her.