One beautiful day couple of weeks ago, however, I got a response.  In a short, very proper note, a Japanese gentleman introduced himself saying that he was living close by due to his work. As I had already dated once a Japanese man and had very positive, almost magical experience, I was thrilled. I checked his photographs. I liked him at once. He wasn’t the typical handsome boy but had rather strong features, serious expression and his smile was light and attractive. He had a small goatee and reminded me somehow of famous Japanese actor Sanada. He has an absolutely nomadic life-style.  For many years he has lived abroad.  He studied in the United States in early 90s and since then he has been living in Europe, working at different universities. He has a minimum of material possession, no girlfriends that I know of, many acquaintances, but not many close friends. He likes non-Japanese women, he told me.  Every couple of years he finds himself in a painful distractive relationship with a non-Japanese woman and even though he has no committed relationship he is not waiting to go back to Japan or find a Japanese woman.  So I could see that he is a walking disaster for any girl, but of course, this unavailability makes him extra attractive.  Well, of course I answered his mail. After a couple of days we were exchanging long, exciting emails. He seemed to be very open-minded and very well educated. I told him that I wasn’t seeking a serious relationship and it was exactly what he wanted – just nice romantic encounters.  He has an idea that I am in a relationship but what kind of a relationship does not seem to be interesting for him.  So he doesn't ask and I don't tell him on my own. 

After two weeks since he first wrote me for the first time, Kiyoshi arrived to visit me. It was very strange to see someone that I had first met online to see in flesh and blood. We were walking through the old city, talking, and then we went to have dinner. He seemed to me very quiet and even a bit passive man. I had to start almost all of our conversations. At one point I was sure I didn’t make any good impression on him and was feeling somewhat frustrated. But still it was a nice date for me. Returning to his town, he gave me a kiss on my cheek. That’s it; I thought to myself.  The guy even didn’t try to kiss me.  Oh, well, bad for him since I was waiting.

However, we kept writing each other e-mails. He didn’t break our communication and I was glad about that. Thinking about our meeting I decided to make sure that there was no interest from his side since I was definitely interested in something more than a kiss on the cheek. I took a day off and asked if he wanted to see me again. He invited me to come over and see him in his next email.

Sitting in the train I was half-sleeping, half-day dreaming.  Kiyoshi met me at the station, the same quiet, the same calm expression. We went for a drink, talking about his teaching and researching job, about my cats, nothing serious. Sitting in an almost empty café I was more than sure that he had no interest in myself.  He was just a nice polite man buying a lonely girl a cup of coffee.  Oh, I felt sad about this, so I suggested that we walk to the train station so that I could return to my town.  We went through narrow old streets, still talking about different subjects, from animal rights to movies.

Suddenly he said to me: There is not much to do in this town and the day is still pretty, so would you like to visit my apartment?  Still feeling disappointed, and wondering if we would still talk about animal rights, I agreed however.  How much was I was surprised when after a couple of minutes in his room, he started to caress my hair and then sat closer to me. He held me firmly and kissed very passionately, slipping his tongue in my mouth at once. After kissing and touching each other, he took my by the hand and guided to his bedroom.

He was very tender and gentle. I was surprised how good his body looked without clothes. Mind you he is in his late thirties. I was very nervous about first time being together. But actually he was a thorough gentleman.  We spent this lazy afternoon staying in each other arms, making love, and talking meaningless things like old lovers.  

Afterwards he brought me to station. Strangely enough, he again became distant and passive as soon as he got out of his bedroom. I could not believe that this was the same man moaning from pleasure a few minutes ago.  Kiyoshi kissed me on my cheeks again before saying good-bye. He didn’t go into any conversation about what happened between us. I felt confused and distressed about it.

When I got home I wrote him a “thank you” note, mentioning that I would love to meet again some day. Actually, I am toying with an idea of becoming his long-term “no strings attached” mistress. Looking in his eyes makes me dizzy and his kisses make my knees go weak.  I believe that his presence in my life will take me to another level of development, fulfilling my wishes and fantasies.  I guess we have to be more careful when dating people of other races and cultures – not all people think the same way about romance.

~  

After sending Kiyoshi the note, I did not hear from him immediately, as I had expected. Calming down and analyzing what happened I came to the point of understanding that I did make a wrong choice writing that note. I got his response after two days.  In a few short sentences thanking me for a beautiful day together, mentioning that he would like to have occasional encounters with me but he did not want any serious relationship.  He did shake my self-confidence and trust completely. I was more than upset.  There was a chance with this guy, I thought, but looks as if it was not going to work on my terms. So, from my experience I would say never ever go too-strong letting Japanese man know what you want or expect from a relationship. He will take two or three steps back at once, if you are lucky, or even, you might never hear from him again. So many times it was said already, but, hey, everyone learns from own mistakes.

After a few restless days and sleepless nights I decided to answer as short and cold as possible that the occasional meetings were just fine with me. In my heart I was sure that I would never receive another note from him. In addition I sent him a few links he was asking before about Japanese Culture Center in my city. How surprised I was when I got his answer! He was thanking me for information and asking how things were.  It was my second chance.  In his next letter, which surprisingly enough talked about less important things in life (rather unusual for Kiyoshi), he was wondering if I could find time for him for a date. I had no chance of responding because same evening he contacted me in one of the chat-rooms that I hang out sometimes. One of his first questions was if I could take a day off to meet him.   

I realized that if I wanted to keep this man interested in me, I had to make time and space for him in my life but not overwhelm my own life.  So, I politely said that I had to see what I could do about a day off mentioning that during the weekend I will be going out with a group of my friends. It seemed to me that he was surprised about the last comment, asking me what kind of friends they were, and where we were planning to go.  

I took a day off and informed Kiyoshi about it. He did agree on that date without any questions. I decided to prepare myself for the date, and after hours of searching the web; I created an image, which might be more appealing to him.  I must say that like many East European women I also care a lot about my clothes and appearance. My nails are always done and I never leave my house without proper make-up. Being petite, pale-skinned and dark-haired gives me a lot of advantages in using fashionable clothes. So for our meeting I put away my glasses and switched to the contact lenses instead.  I also chose an elegant yet feminine outfit trying to create an image of Audrey Hepburn, who I know is highly admired in Japan.  

Instead of being chatty I went for the silent persona this time, deciding to let Kiyoshi do the talking.   We met on a sunny afternoon. The first thing I got was his smile, a big hug, and this time kisses on my cheeks.  Than he looked at me directly and mentioned that I looked even prettier without glasses. Good start, I thought to myself. Being quieter, I asked if he had a good trip, if he was a bit tired and suggested going to a café for a coffee. He said that he was not tired at all and would love to see my place instead of the city.  

I continued to be quiet, and did let Kiyoshi talk all the way, answering his questions, smiling at his jokes and nodding politely at his remarks. He seemed to be much less distant this time. At my place I showed him around, introduced him to my cats and offered him coffee. Before I finished making coffee he was pulling myself to him, kissing and whispering some soft words I could not understand properly. The words were not important. Again, I decided to give him a leading role, staying soft and submissive, hiding a bit my face after his passionate kisses. And it seemed that leading position suited Kiyoshi just fine. He half-suggested, half-insisted on going to my bedroom. There he was complimenting my lingerie on which I spent more money than that on the entire wardrobe. Again, I was completely amazed with his skills.  He is a perfect lover, to make a long story short. For a few moments I thought that he was trying to say with his body more than just having great intimate relationship. He was demanding more eye contact, kept kissing my face, kept whispering something that I could not understand, held my hands.