It is natural to expect that a man and woman will have some differences in their attitudes towards intimacy (how much, what type, etc.). There are women/men who want intimacy every night but get married to men/women who think that once a week is more than enough. There are women who abhor even the idea of of certain types of bedroom activities while their partner either loves the idea or is at least interested in exploring it.  There are several other examples that show how different two partners can be in their perspectives and wishes.

I congratulate couples who have a high level of understanding in their relationships and develop respect for other person's preferences. I do not think any activity in the bedroom is inherently bad as long as it is between consenting adults (and causes no physical or emotional pain). Accordingly, it is important for couples to discuss personal intimacy preferences prior to any long-term commitment, particularly for those couples who do not wish to or can not have sex prior to marriage. I advise this approach particularly to those clients of mine who believe in slightly unconventional intimacy (the definition of unconventional intimacy will vary and I normally determine it by talking to the two partners separately). 

What happens if one wants to engage in an activity that was not agreed upon prior to marriage? After all people change. Typically what I tell my clients in such cases is that they keep an open mind about intimacy, or for that matter, anything else in the relationship that changes with time. What I have concluded over the years is that people who are getting frustrated in their relationships are more likely to be tempted to seek satisfaction elsewhere.  Therefore, even if you absolutely dislike a certain type of activity that your partner wishes to explore, it is better to talk about it first among yourself and then work out some kind of a compromise. No one, particularly the one that loves you, will force you and try to hurt you but as long as you can openly discuss it like two adults, you can come up with a solution that will make both of you happy and save your relationship.

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