| - |
Breaking
up techniques
How
to cause minimal pain to the other party
| We hear dozens of stories every week that a
Japanese woman will have a steamy romance with a foreign man and then
simply disappear without a word about her whereabouts. Why do they do it? Why can't they have a proper breakup? In some cases
why do Japanese women breakup but also buy expensive
designer gifts for their lovers at the time of breakup? These questions perplexed a lot
of our members and we decided to investigate.
|
|
|
|
|
The first insight came from Yoko, a 25 year old Japanese women, studying in California. "It takes
a long time for Japanese people to realize their feelings toward a foreigner compared to other Japanese due to language and
cultural
differences. I like to be just friends with a
prospective boyfriend for the first few months until I get to know him enough. This is because I don't want to
rush things with someone I like and I'm very cautious when it comes to relationships. We Japanese are very uncomfortable around non-Japanese
and we are constantly worried that we will screw up. It takes even longer time for Japanese to have
intimate relationship with someone, either Japanese or non-Japanese.
But once it happens, we tend to keep the relationship for a long time. I know it seems strange for her but this is just the way Japanese are. Thus when we have
to break up a relationship we just feel awfully guilty and do not know how to do it. No wonder, we think that the best way to handle the situation is
to simply not go through the painful process."
(Related:
Breakup for the first time)
We spoke to other Japanese women. Noriko tells us that this sort of behavior is the biggest cause of heartaches for
non-Japanese men who desire
Japanese women. She continues, "All Japanese women are NOT the same; some are serious about relationships, others are just into the
casual
dating.
That is why non Japanese men must be careful and take time getting to know the Japanese woman they are interested in to see
where they stand in terms of relationships. You can't MAKE them fall in love with you, no matter how many times she may be
willing to be intimate with you! This cannot be stressed enough. I think many Japanese women just disappear because it is
"easier" that way, they can just go back to Japan. A gift is their way of saying goodbye."
(Related:
Brittany Murphy Joe Macaluso breakup)Not
all Japanese, especially the ones that have spent
significant time overseas, try to end their
relationships so abruptly. Sarah, an American,
fell in love with a Japanese exchange
student, had a
rather interesting end to her relationship. While
Ai, her Japanese boyfriend, told her that he would like
to end their relationship rather casually while they
were cuddled together in front of the TV, he more than
made up for it when the time to say goodbye came.
As Sarah tells us, "When I went to see him one last
time, he took me aside in his bedroom. He held me in his
arms one last time and
 said, 'Sarah-san, even though we
will be far apart, I will always love you'; and he
kissed me." Sarah and Ai are still friends
through email/chat even though both are dating other
people. Sarah added, "Ai still remains a
close friend and special to me. In his gentle (almost
inherently Japanese) way, he showed me some guys could
be gentlemen and helped me see what I truly want to do
with my life: be an English teacher in Nihon and
work with their government. Anything is possible!
Keep an open mind with these relationships."
Our discussions lead us to conclude that many non-Japanese men get so enamored by the charms of Japanese men that they forget what is important in
any relationship - common goals, compatible personalities, and
commitment to the
relationship. In many of these cases, either one of the partner is not
in her/his native country and has to eventually leave unless there is a marriage. This acts as a double-edged sword. While it allows one to make a graceful
exit it also encourages short-term relationships.
|
So what do the
MYNIPPON experts suggest:
-
Be clear upfront about what you want from the
relationship. If all you want is to have a
fling, then do not fall in love, regardless of how
good the fling turns out to be.
-
Be realistic. If either one of you has to leave the place where you met, beware of the fact that the time to separate will eventually come.
-
Talk about it so that the Japanese woman is not forced to behave in this manner. If you would like to have a
serious long-term relationship or marriage then
you should look in the right place so that you make sure that you
run into the right kind of people, and talk about it and find out if she feels the same way. If not, just think of it as a great relationship and move on.
-
Japanese
people are very cautious when it comes to saying
harsh and unpleasant things. They would rather
not say such things than appearing to be sly and
mean. As long as you are aware of this, you
should not give them an opportunity to be in such an
uncomfortable situation.
Further
reading: Breaking
up with minimum pain to all
MYNIPPON
Romance Guide for Japan Japanese
girlfriend at American university campus
Right approach
to dating Asians Move
to Japan Secrets
of Japanese women Manage
expectations in interracial romance How
I found my Japanese girlfriend?
How
to get a Japanese girlfriend? Marriages
in Japan Deborah
Kemp's views on romance Seduction
of Japanese women One
night stand with a Japanese woman Romance
gone wrong with a Japanese African
American men and Japanese women Declining
marriage rate in Japan
Women dating
Asian men Relationships
with Japanese women Interracial
relationship with a Japanese How
to decide to dump a partner? Meeting
Japanese women Challenges
of relationships with Japanese Elegant
way to break up Experiences
with Japanese women A
Japanese man finds relationship with an American woman Japanese
girlfriend Healthy
romantic relationship with a Japanese
|
