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Insecurity
is the sister of jealousy
Negative
effect of jealousy on relationships
By Imfwama Wotela (Previous
article: Jealousy
can destroy relationships)
| Insecurity is a sense of feeling worthless, where you condemn yourself so badly and find it hard to accept when good comes your way. Insecurity gives you low self esteem and can cause you to become jealous too.
In places of work, church, mall, and elsewhere, we meet and mix with both males and females. We may get along with the opposite sex better but that does not always mean, or
signal an affair or fling. First of all one needs to trust oneself and lead clean lives; then it’s easy to allow your partner to be who they are without fear of you embarrassing them in public or at the
office party.
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Jealousy in a relationship will definitely break and destroy a relationship whether you like it or not. Some people are very possessive of their partners. When you finally
get married, please note that your partner does not lose all the rights and become your slave. They are still entitled to their freedom, space and opinion. The only difference is you need to come to terms that are agreeable to both of you. One of the reasons some partners are possessive is that they know what they do in secret and believe the other does the same.
When your partner is given a ride home (or done any other favor) by a person of the opposite sex, do make an effort to go out and say hello, meet the person, and have a chat. After all, he gave your partner a ride (or did whatever) and you should be thankful. Reacting in anger and making false accusations just shows how immature and stupid you are. For instance in this story, the best would have been to make an effort to go to choir practice and see what happens and then get acquainted with the pastor too. Then make better conclusions based on facts.
Let’s look at an example of jealousy in action.
Let us imagine that you are married to the CEO of a reputable organization. You are a
housewife. He is handsome, has all a woman needs (according to you) and other women definitely find him attractive. One day you visit his office and discover his executive assistant is a ‘bombshell’ (very beautiful). Because you are insecure, you panic and the disease begins to manifest its symptoms. Later at home, your poor husband comes home and you are sulky. At this point it has developed into jealousy. He asks what is wrong and you say, “Nothing”! Insecurity like jealousy is a sickness or poison that stains you and then drives you to behave in a certain (mostly negative) way.
Then your mind tells you to start patronizing your husband’s office everyday because you fear the assistant will get him from you. You wear your
expensive clothes, try out all sorts of hair-dos and hope she will say, “Oh, you look lovely, Mrs. Smith” all in an effort to prove that the man is yours. Let me tell you the results of your actions:
- They will be disastrous.
- The assistant will think, How did the
boss wind up with such an immature wife – so insecure.
- Your husband will say, “Hmm, I appreciate your stopping by, but is there a problem? I have so much work now; can we meet later? Most spouses don’t visit the office like this.”
- You will feel like he is no longer interested in you and finds you unattractive.
- You will be defeated and then go home and sulk and start imagining what is happening at the office when they are just working as usual.
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Eventually, you will blow up one day and say it to your husband in anger, “I know it’s that pretty assistant at the office?” After the false accusation just know that you have opened a door to the destruction of your home/marriage and relationship. In short, you are
telling your partner that you don’t trust him. Once trust is broken in a relationship, it means problems. To shut that ‘door’ you have opened it; it’s going to take more than just the words “ I am sorry”.
Listen, he/she loved you enough to marry you. He left all the other women/men and just made vows to you. Isn’t that good enough? What is so hard about accepting that? If it’s your past experience bothering you, then bury it, and don’t ever go back to it.
Related article: How
to get rid of jealousy?
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