Catherine writes, "I am a Caucasian woman in Seattle and just recently I went on my first date with an Asian man. We are both 26. I would like to report that he held my hand while walking the crowded streets and very firmly I might add. In the cab back to the train station, out of no where he kissed me (with out any warning).  I was caught off guard and would have preferred at least some eye contact, or a slow lead-in.  He has also been very verbal in expressing many times how much he likes me. I continue to be surprised by all of this as I expected the shy, nervous, quiet Asian guy experience I keep hearing from women here in Seattle. I wonder if my experience is rare or not? Before we went out he told me he had a girlfriend. I asked him about her during the date. He told me that they have been on and off for 7 years! They don't see each other much now because she lives so far away (last time they saw each other was about three months ago when she flew to California to attend a business conference) - but he told me that he still loves her. I am not at all emotionally involved in this as it was only the first time we went out (we have known each other for a little while though).  I hear it's common/and shall I say acceptable for Asian men to have two lovers: one, an Asian girlfriend that they would eventually marry and second for fun. What do you think?"

No, your experience is not unusual since we have heard from dozens of other women who complained about intimate activities without any romantic conversation or gestures. But a lot of it was attributable to misunderstandings (as we discovered once we worked with our clients).  Many Asian men, including Asian-Americans, still live in two worlds. They have a very "Asian" environment at home and in their community but then they also want to be "American."  This can sometimes lead to rather amusing situations with some Asians or Asian-Americans (despite the fact that many Asian-Americans transition from one role to another in literally no time and do a great job at that).  (Related article:  American man Asian woman marriage)

Asians also tend to think of romantic love and physical love as two different things something that is a NO NO here in the US. Thus, the kind of conversations you had with him. You need to understand what is he seeking from you. Asian men also tend not to say nasty things about their past relationships and he might just be being kind towards his ex-girlfriend. If he is just seeking a friendship/relationship with an American girl but would like to eventually get married to an "Asian," then you need to look at the relationship from that perspective and not get too emotionally involved with him.