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Marriage without passion
Should I have an affair?
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Lynne
writes, "I am a
mature woman, approaching 40s. I consider
myself happy and independent. I am married to a great man
and we have two children. Our
relationship is not perfect,
but when I compare it to others I feel it is fine and it has
been improving over the years. My husband and I almost never
argue. This does not mean we don't make each other mad; we
have just learned how to avoid and accept things we dislike.
Culturally we are very different. I am more social and I
need this. I am in many ways the
typical Hispanic woman. I
love to dance and see people. He is very
British. This does
not mean we don't go out. We do, but only to eat in a nice
restaurant and he is not a good talker although I respect
this difference. So my problem is that once in a while I'll
fall in love with another man. I have not
cheated but I have
always been tempted. I can keep
friends and I
choose not to
cheat, because I would not want anyone doing that to me. But
I love feeling
romantic love with someone, and of course,
men seem to always want more. The three times that it has
happened, my male friends become distant friends after a
while. In the meantime I suffer, because a part of me would
love to follow up on that and another one feels good that I
have valued and
respected our marriage. But why do I fall in
love with other men? I recently met a
younger guy (23) who I
dance with. I let him know I am married and have children,
but it is obvious we like each other a lot. Sometimes I feel
I have the best of all: A
great husband and a good
guy
friend that gives all the love and attention I like, but
another part is always tempted to take things a little
further. Another part of me wonders, maybe, I should not be
married. I don't feel it is my husband's fault. He has
always been the same. I knew he was more calm and this is
what I liked about him. He does
lack passion and especially
in the
winter this makes me feel cold and bored. He forgets
my birthday, but he forgets everyone's birthday. He is sweet
in other ways, just not fulfilling enough. There is no point
on working on him. I don't feel like doing all the work all
the time. I cannot stop
dancing which would help me avoid
meeting fun and
passionate men. Then what can I do? I love
being in love even if nothing else happens, but I don't like
being in love and
being married. Even if nothing physical
happens it still takes time and
emotional energy. But my
heart needs it. Oh, please help."
Your
behavior is not uncommon or unnatural. Whatever we are
missing in our lives, we want it. It is obvious that your
husband does not provide you with everything that you want
from a man and that is why when another man comes along who
does, you get that from him. Some women are lucky to have a
"friend" like yours and others
make online friends these
days
Having an
extramarital relationship is not easy, though. People can
stop loving their own spouse then. Plus, your lover will
always want more. It can be
sex or
commitment or a
divorce
from your spouse to get married or
money or something else - if that does not happen, no one
wants to be with a
married woman for too long. One woman
that I recently received an email from seems to have a
better system - her
lover is also married and they
just support each other and want nothing else. Actually,
they have only a
long distance relationship and have yet to
meet
This is
what I would suggest. If you want to have an
extra marital
affair, be prepared for the
consequences. We live in a
small world and chances are that it may not be possible to
keep it a secret for very long. That may
mean that your family may fall apart. I like to think that
if we start to compare our spouse to others, there will
always be another person who is more beautiful or
sexy or
rich or funny or
romantic. There is no end to it.
One
exception is if you are
not sexually satisfied. In that
case, if you can manage it without complications, it is OK
to go and
make love with your dance partner once in a while
but remember that you will still be playing with
fire.
Overall,
I think that you have a great situation: marriage to a great
guy and nice family, and there is no reason to put an end to
it. And I understand that at this age it is not easy to
change someone drastically. That is why
you need to do what you want to do. So continue with your
dancing and friendship with guys so that you are happy. |
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| Related:
How to
make a woman climax |
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