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Role of porn in a relationship
It has only a limited role
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Karina, a 27-year
old dating a 33-year old, writes, "He likes
watching porn
before we go to
bed. Sometimes we watch together. It's like he needs to
watch it to get
turned on. While I am no
Carmen Electra or
Pam Anderson, I am not bad looking. I also try to
wear lingerie once in a while, but he seems to still want
to watch it. We have a
good sex
life but it hurts me when he is looking at the television
while we are
making love. I just want to be noticed while we do it.
What can I do? I need your opinion." |
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In general, for
couples in a
strong relationship, and if both partners enjoy it,
occasionally
watching porn can be a great way to
get into the mood. In your boyfriend's case, it seems that
you are just an object for him - in reality, he is making love
to the actress in the movie. And that is not good. I admire
the fact that you have been supportive so far and have not
made him feel bad about his addiction. In my opinion, his
behavior is clearly not acceptable and I have a feeling that
this relationship does not have a very bright future. |
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Here is
what I would suggest based on how badly you love him and
how much you want to
save this relationship. The first thing to do is to
have a honest conversation with him about exactly what
you have told me and what do you expect from him. Tell
him that you are all for occasional
adult entertainment but you expect that you are the
most important woman in life, not some moving image on a
TV. Tell him that when you actually
make
love, you would like the TV to be off. Try to say it
without getting angry or even complaining. And do not
argue with him. Just present it as a suggestion.
It may be
difficult to send him to
therapy but it is not a bad idea for him to seek
professional help for his
porn addiction. |
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Finally, if
he continues his old ways and does not change at all, you may
want to consider
ending this relationship. |
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