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It
was a good date or at least that is what I thought. I never heard from her again.
The Japanese girl’s disappearing act!
Just another one of those stories that leave you wondering,
“Why?” Luckily,
this experience did not leave the eternal question in my head, as
I did find out why. This didn’t mean I agreed or understood, but I consider
myself fortunate from the knowledge gained.
The
cliché “first impression” is more important in Japan than
anyone would like to admit. Make
a mistake and you’re out before you get a second chance.
I would like to share my mistakes and hope that it may
answer some of the questions to those who never got an answer.
Image
is everything
Everyone
knows that image is
everything in Japan. Branded
goods, people casually shopping in the supermarket
or mothers watching their children playing in the public park –
they still look like movie stars. Mirrors
are placed everywhere in Japan so that people can check that they
look as glamorous as when they first stepped out of their
apartment. I knew
this routine well. My
usual dress-sense is quite radical, though for this occasion I
toned down as much as I thought I needed to.
Wearing my $3,000 Fotus jacket and pants, a $2,000 diamond earring, and ensuring that every hair was molded in place, I
wanted to portray an image somewhat between a sophisticated
executive and the neo-Tokyo look.
(Related:
Second date tips)
Of
course, it will depend on the type of girl you are meeting, but
generally Japanese girls would like their dates to look
conservative and neat. Once
you are past the first date, you can begin to change your image
gradually into the person you really are, but until then you must
match their expectation. It
would also not sit well with them if you are more dressed than
them! If unsure, stay
with something plain, simple, and above all, neat.
Rules
for conversation
There
are no clearly defined rules in conversation.
Typically everyone just “goes with the flow”, but in
the first meeting, it is common practice that you would want to
understand them as much as possible.
Japanese
people are generally quite shy, and do not probe into other
people’s business (perhaps with the exception of the otaku),
and also do not ask personal questions.
This might include a question as simple as, “Do you have
a boyfriend?” If
they mention something about themselves you can continue on this
thread, but do not start the thread yourself; it can be considered
rude.
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