I was dating Chiaki, a Japanese woman, 29, living in Queens, New York for 3 weeks.  A close friend of mine, Sean, who only dates Asians, introduced me to her.  Chiaki told me she had a boyfriend in Japan but I decided to date her any way since I wanted to see what the big deal about Japanese women was (that Sean kept talking about). She told me that her boyfriend was paying her entire rent for one year and he wanted to be with her.   Sean and I went out on a double date.  It went well, we drank a lot, and I made her laugh all night.  I was a little aggressive because I was drunk but so was she - so it was understood.

A day or two later I called her and arranged a date with her.  We went out for dinner at a Japanese restaurant, I got her a fall fashionable purse and a dozen roses, and later we watched a Japanese Movie "Audition”.  After this date, I took her home safely in a cab.  No intimacy yet - just a little bit of kissing.  Third date:  Bar, more bars, and finally back to my place for a few rounds of unforgettable intimacy.  Okay, things started looking good for me.  Forth Date:  Almost the same as the third except my friend met us and hung out with us for most of the night.  Of course back to my place - yada-yada-yada.  Fifth Date:  She invited me over to her place and cooked for me and we drank a little bit of sake and red wine - you know the rest - great fun. Chiaki told me again that her boyfriend in Japan was still in the picture.  I told her she should be with him and that he must really love her.  She said, "I don't want him". Than I asked her, "Do you want me?"  She said, “Yes”.   (Related article:  Experiences with Japanese women)

Over next few days, though I wasn't really buying it, she kept telling me that she loved me and he was no longer in the picture.  I was enjoying our relationship and started falling in love with her. She told me that she spoke about me with her parents and she wanted me to come to Japan with her.  I was becoming happier with her each day.  I felt it was the beginning of a great experience. 

On September 11^th 2001, the two planes crashed into the Twin Towers in Manhattan while I was on a train with my Japanese girlfriend coming from her place on the way to take her to her class.  After the class she and I went for lunch and then back to my place.  I called her that night - everything seemed good.  She was even calling her boyfriend as “ex-boyfriend” now.  I called her again Wednesday but she was busy with her family on the phone and indicated that she will call me back.  I waited four days and she never called me back.  I tried calling her by phone, cell phone, and emailed her but she did not respond.   

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, she told me that the Japanese guy proposed to her over the phone.  She told me that she said "No" to him.   This was beginning to be an issue.  But, I didn't pay much attention to it because she didn't bring it up in conversation.  I sent Chiaki a dozen sunflowers to her place for our anniversary.

We decided to celebrate our anniversary at a restaurant.  She had arrived early and I noticed that she had already polished off a glass of Merlot and was working on her second glass at the bar.  I ordered a glass of Chardonnay and we sat down to have dinner.  Shortly after being seated, she handed me a Barney’s New York bag.  I told her that I would open it after dinner.  She wanted me to open it right away.  But I said, “Let’s relax and I'll be happy to open it later” (since I knew the Japanese custom – gifts should be opened only after the giver has left).  After our dinner she said, "I have something to tell you." I knew it was something bad from her little nuances and the tone of her voice. I asked her if it something bad and she said, "Yes.  Maybe I shouldn't tell you.  I still love him."  (Related:  Multiple lovers)

I was floored and shocked to the point of tears rolling down my face and feeling like I was going to throw up.  I was speechless for a minute and could only utter "Why, why?  Why are you doing this to me?"  After regaining my composure, I took a deep breath and decided to open her gift from Barneys. It was a very nice leather wallet.  I asked her, “Why are you breaking up with me and giving me a gift at the same time?"  She said, "I want to give this to you out of appreciation for all the nice things you did for me."  I thought for a moment and said, "I will only accept this if it is from your heart, and if it is not, I can not accept this."  She wanted me to keep it and told me to just throw it away later if I did not want to keep it. This gift was an insult to me.  It was like saying bye, here's a wallet, and now leave me alone.  I began to explain to her in English and a little Japanese the difference between love and appreciation. She didn't really understand me, become upset, and left quickly.  I paid the bill and got into a cab with her up the street.  The cab stopped at my place and I left her the Barneys gift and said my goodbyes through many tears that were misunderstood. 

She called me that night to say sorry but I did not pick up the phone.  The next day she called again and I picked up the phone but could hardly talk because I was feeling weak and very sick from our last date.  I managed to muster up enough energy to speak with her briefly and she told me that she was undecided and wanted to think about the Japanese man and me.  I just told her to go with her heart.  But I winded up telling her to go with him and told her that I will just have to find another girl that is honest.  (Related:  Sex with Japanese women)

I still feel something for Chiaki but I know deep down that I need to take my loss and move on.  This experience has left me completely rattled and I wonder if there is something about Japanese women that I need to know or was this just an unusual case.

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