I have been
dating
this really great guy for over 4 months and I don't want to
lose him now. When we first laid eyes on each other, we were
both
attracted to each other right away and we couldn't take
our eyes off one another. We hit it off right away and had
3-hour long
conversations on the
phone; it
was all really good.
He is 37
(and has a 4 year old son) and I am 23. The
age gap never bothered me, but it did bother him a
little bit when it comes to people's reactions toward our
relationship. A few weeks ago, he broke things off with me.
After having talked to him, it turns out that it wasn't the
age gap that provoked this, but the fact that he still
hasn't been able to make a career for himself. He has been
trying for so long, but there are just no jobs available in
his field in this town. He doesn't want to move though,
because of his son. So, he is pretty much stuck here and has
to deal with the possibility of never finding that dream
job. When we first met, he had been out of work for about a
month. That was never an issue for me though and I made sure
to tell him that when that particular topic came up. I
encouraged him to keep trying and told him that eventually,
he will get his break. He told me that he just can't
commit (marriage)
to someone until he is in a certain position in life (having
that job). When he broke things off with me, I was really
shocked because I thought that he really liked me. Turns
out, he does like me. When I left his house that day, I had
tears in my eyes and I looked at him right before I left; he
was teary-eyed himself. Then, he put his arms around me
twice and said that he was sorry.
Going
back to when we first started dating, it never occurred to
me that he might have
commitment issues. He introduced me to his son (we get
along great by the way and I absolutely love kids) two weeks
into it and then he wanted me to meet his sister not long
after that. Everything was great and they all really liked
me. I met his entire family about a month and a half into
our relationship. They all really seemed to like and embrace
me (despite the
age difference) and it was all great. The fact that he
wasn't
shy about
introducing me to his family showed me that he wasn't
afraid to commit and that he really liked me. He also
wanted me to meet his friends and ALL of them really liked
me and they weren't afraid to tell him that I was "totally
adorable and that they love me."
We also
talked about marriage before (not specifically us getting
married
anytime soon) and he said that he could see himself
getting married to someone like me. He also told me
several times that he can't wait to have more children and
he said that we would have a great kid. All of this showed
me that he was really into it and so I never thought that he
would be the one breaking things off like this. We have a
lot of things in common (surprisingly, despite the 13 years)
and we always had a lot of fun together. I know that his son
has absolute priority in his life and I support that 100%.
That was one of the things that attracted me to him, that he
was the greatest Dad.
He has
that job right now that he is not really happy with, but the
bills have to be paid somehow. I always supported him
and just tried to show him that I want to be with him for
who he is, not what he does. Things started to get a little
rocky, because that job takes up a lot of his time and he is
always
stressed out. I never blamed him for anything, though,
and just tried to be there for him. (Related:
Dating a man with baggage)
I wrote
his sister an e-mail after all this happened. She wrote back
saying that he has this horrible
commitment issue. And she said that even though he was
the one breaking things off with his son's mother, he is
still a little hung up on her. They try to get along because
of their son, but when he's not around, they do fight quite
a bit. She also told me that it has nothing to do with me
and that the entire family is disappointed about how things
went. I don't know what to do. He obviously has feelings for
me, but he just can't seem to work things out. I don't want
to lose him. I hope you can help me."
