Matt writes, "I have read stories and articles, and even talked to Japanese guys themselves, and I have been told numerous times that Japanese girls tend to be attracted to American men. I have heard accounts and tales of Americans who go to Japan and easily find beautiful, young girls eager to sleep with them.  Then there are the stories I hear about young men or college students, not unlike myself, who have frequent romantic flings with exchange students from the Far East.  My roommate, a 26 year old student from Japan, is the one who told me that Japanese girls like American boys.  I had had two exchange-student girlfriends in high school, after all.

I have met and befriended countless Japanese girls since I've been here. I have been nice to all of them, helped them with their English, talked with them, hung out with them, and have even been told "You are so kind!  Most Americans don't talk to Japanese."  Yet in all my efforts, I have nothing to show for it. No Asian girlfriend. No Japanese romance. Not even a "quick fling."

So I hereby denounce the idea that Japanese women are attracted to American men.  My hypothesis is that Japanese women are NOT particularly interested in American men.  There was a girl I became quite close to.  We went out a few times, we would talk frequently, I would compliment her, we would have long conversations via instant messenger, she would say I was "so kind and funny."  I was interested; that was obvious.  Then one day I found out she had a new boyfriend - my roommate.  Now, given he is older than me, but I don't think that was the deciding factor.  My theory is that in Tomoko's mind, it all came down to the nice guy and the nice FOREIGNER. So of course she's going to choose another Japanese person rather than start dating the FOREIGNER.  When I later thought about this, I realized that nearly all of the Asian girls on campus who are in relationships are in them with Asian boys.  The Asian/American relationship is actually quite rare around here. So of course, I started doubting the validity of these stories about American men finding beautiful Japanese girls and easily having their way with them. 

I am currently attracted to another Japanese girl, more so than I was before, but I haven't made any kind of move because I'm afraid she sees me as just a nice foreigner.  Are there any amazingly effective techniques I'm just not utilizing?  Or is this Japanese-likes-Americans thing just a big conspiracy to raise the hopes of love-struck gaijins?  Please try to clear things up for me, and help me out if you can."  (Related article:  Story of an American marrying an Asian woman)

We receive dozens of emails with similar problems.  While it is true that hundreds of men have flings with Japanese women either in Japan or elsewhere, it is not fair to assume that this is universally true for all Japanese women.  To believe so would be a strong generalization and an assumption that Japanese women are simply objects interested in flings.  First of all, Matt and others, have to start treating Asian women like women.  When people fall in love or have flings or have nasty breakups it has very little do with the fact that these are Asian or Japanese women - it is simply that these are women who feel and act fairly similar to women all over the world.