How come some women think otherwise?

In a very recent case, Joyce, an African-American woman in the US, was engaged to Kevin (last names not being disclosed) and everything seemed to be going well since they already had a beautiful 15-month child.  Like any other couple, though, they had their ups and downs and during one of those tough moments in their relationship, they split, both hoping that they would eventually realize the stupidity of their fight and get back together.  Chie, A Japanese woman, whose visa was expiring, and needed to find a solution to her problem fast, seduced Kevin during this period, and made sure no protection was used so that she could become pregnant.  With a positive pregnancy test, she confronted Kevin and demanded that he either marry her or she would leave the US for good and would never let Kevin see their child in Japan.  For Joyce, it has been the end of the world.  She is now taking care of a child while hoping that another man would be willing to accept her and her child.  She is very bitter about Chie and cannot believe that someone would knowingly engage in such an act.  She admits that Kevin was technically not married to her and was legally free to marry Chie but the pressure of not being able to see his future child ever again distorted his thinking.  (Related article:  An American man falls in love with an Asian woman and marries her)

In another case, Katie, an Korean-Canadian, met Robert, an Australian man when they were both vacationing in Canada.  He had, however, had a brief romance with Keiko, a Japanese woman, prior to meeting Katie, but after meeting Katie, he wanted to have a long-term, committed relationship with her.  He told Keiko about his new love and formally broke up with her.  He expected that they would just think of their brief romance as a pleasant memory and both of them could move on with their lives.  Keiko was, however, not giving up.  She wanted to have Robert at any cost.  She continued to email him and sent him expensive gifts from Japan.  She tried to convince Robert to meet with him at exotic vacation spots.  Some of her emails to Robert had sentences like, "Even now I am hoping you will come back to me", "I would not let you go unless I saw you", "I thought we would get married", and "After Katie goes back to Canada, I would be happy if you would think of me". 

Katie is frustrated with Keiko's behavior.  She writes, "I don't understand why she found it so difficult to move on, even though my boyfriend did make it quite clear that the relationship was over.  I would understand somewhat if they had a long, serious relationship but in fact they hardly knew each other.  Is there some kind of cultural basis for this sort of behavior or is it simply her personality? What is the kindest way of helping her to move on?"  

Connie is an educated Chinese American who lives in the United States.  She met Joseph, a Caucasian male, and they hit it off.  However, prior to meeting Connie, Joseph had run into Mariko, a Japanese woman, who was in the US for a brief trip to learn English.  She was leaving in a matter of days when they met, so Joseph and Mariko decided to stay in touch by email.  Connie saw no reason to object since it was only an email friendship and they were both getting along well.  As is not uncommon, when the relationship hit a brief bump for relatively minor reason, Joseph and Connie broke up.  To add to Connie’s misery of losing her boyfriend, she also found out that within a matter of weeks, Mariko flew in from Japan and moved in with Joseph.  When Connie related her story to us, she was infuriated with Mariko.  While she did not think that Mariko was responsible for their breakup, she had a lot of negative feelings for her and all other Japanese women.  

Is the problem with the Japanese women?

We do not think so.  The behavior does not indicate anything 'Japanese' at all.  Unfortunately, the victims in these cases have cast all the blame on the other women who just happened to be Japanese.  Is there some anger against the other woman' here?

While these incidents do offer some revealing insights into the desperation of a small number of Japanese women to find a dream boy (who more often than not happens to be white, tall, blond, blue eyes, etc.) we would like to know of more cases before we can issue some kind of warning to couples who are likely to face a love-triangle situation with one of the women being a Japanese.  In the three cases highlighted above, we have not found the Japanese women to be necessarily guilty though they could have been more thoughtful and considerate.

Victor Nsien seems to have an explanation why some Japanese women are so desperate.  He thinks, “I believe Japanese girls are brainwashed to believe that a certain type of man will bring happiness and satisfaction to them. To want a white man for the sake of wanting a white man is dangerous. I know of so many Asian women who believed in this concept and found themselves miserable after a failed marriage or relationship. Many men in general like their freedom and will not compromise that for any woman, so Japanese girls should be aware of this and make sure they are searching for the right thing.”  

Recommended links: Self esteem issues among women 

Relationship problems with a Japanese woman