Things are changing, though!  And it seems that it is the non-Asian woman that is opening her mind and is looking at an Asian man as good husband material.  When we contacted some Asian men and asked about their opinions of non-Asian women, they were actually very open-minded and completely discounted the value of these women trying to become more ‘Asian’.  In fact the very reason they will choose a non-Asian woman is that she is not Asian. 

As Tan, a Chinese man, advises such women, “Be frank and open about all issues. There is no need to pretend or act in any 'perceived Asian ways' – submissive, overtly obedient, etc. Notice the word is PERCEIVED”.   Masahiro, a Japanese male, agrees.  “I want to have a beautiful life full of love, which I can not have with an Asian woman.  I really love when a non-Asian woman expresses her emotions directly. For example, when a western couple meets each other, they always kiss, which can't happen in Japan. I envy that kind of relationship. And by the way, I like their beautiful eyes and even their personalities”.  Another Japanese man says, “Be who you are.  Be soft, talkative, down to earth; a girl may charm me just by being herself.”

It appears that Japanese men in particular expect a non-Japanese woman to be what a Japanese woman is not.  As a Japanese man who lives in Sweden writes, “This is the typical Japanese man’s behavior when they meet a "gaijin josei", perhaps myself included. I have witnessed that relatively large number of Japanese men who prefer western women are not experienced in dating in Japan, idealizing women in rather selfish ways, and expect impossible tasks from western women.  They think they can have everything from a western woman what they can not have from a Japanese woman.”

It appears that efforts of western women and Asian men to open up their minds is resulting in some interesting relationships.  Western women are now realizing that they can be themselves and be admired for what they are rather than having to change themselves if they want an Asian lover.  A lot of misconceptions about them are disappearing and western women are learning that they can be as passionate as anyone else in the world.  Sooji, who is now happily married to a fellow Australian, had romances with several Japanese men in the past and thinks very fondly of those moments.  “I had some passionate affairs with Japanese men while I lived there several years ago, but one in particular I can't stop thinking about. I think of him constantly! I know what you mean about the outward timidity of Japanese men that often hides their "icy fire". Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that some of us red-blooded women out here who know just what Japanese men are all about”, she recalls with tears in her eyes and smile on her face.