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Couples
and intimacy
It
is not always straightforward to understand your partner's needs
By Pierre
Coda
| When our readers write to us with a question, we read each one of them and try to respond to the best of our abilities. We also publish some of the responses on our network of websites if we think that the topic could be of interest to other readers.
However, from time to time, we solicit comments and suggestions from our readers. This is one of those cases. So please do write to us if you have any thoughts. We have received a rather desperate letter from Daniel who has been dating a girl. Despite his sincere efforts, he has not been successful and he has definitely not been able to understand this particular girl's behavior which to put it mildly - is rather unusual. Here is what he writes: |
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Your site is excellent. After reading some pages, I think I need advice, badly! I found your site after I started dating a wonderful girl. She is in my
town to study painting, and I met her after she had been here for 2 months. We've been going out for 5 months now, but sometimes I'm very confused as to what
she wants, and how to make her happy.
I am 23, she is about to turn 24. She tells me she is not a 'normal girl', pointing out her dislike for meat and unique taste in clothing. Although she
likes wearing some clothes that I can picture much older people wearing, she does wear
mini-skirts and tight pants, and indeed looks great in them when she
does!
We were both immediately attracted to each other and after three dates she suggested we
become physically
intimate. This is partly where my problem lies.
She initially wanted it, but I think it's hard for her to do. The first few times it was nearly impossible as she simply couldn't let me in (so to speak).
I can now help her relax, but she doesn't enjoy it at all! Apparently there is little feeling for her.
After reading some of the stories on MYNIPPON, I'm starting to think something is wrong. She will not move unless I make her, and she never tells me what
she wants, in that she cannot ask for anything. It does get frustrating sometimes. Are such behavioral traits common
among some women?
Moreover, when she saw some documentaries on TLC and Discovery Channel and I showed her some websites, she was in disbelief about most of the things we
generally associate with physical intimacy and take for granted, as she had never heard of them! I find it strange that I have known about these simple
techniques since I was a teenager but she is completely oblivious to it.
I find her submissiveness alluring to some degree, but I realize that perhaps I'm also not getting the whole picture. For example, on Christmas Eve, I
foolishly did not see her that day as I was busy with work and I knew I was visiting her on Christmas day. Little did I know about the emphasis placed on Christmas Eve by her, and she later told me how her brother was amazed over the phone that night that she was not with me. I got the impression she was
disappointed to spend Christmas Eve alone. If she had told me, I would have been more than happy to spend the night with her. It seems like a bit of
communication breakdown. Is it common for some women to not relay what they want to their partner?
I know she likes to look good, and spends a very long time getting ready in the morning. In bed however, she only
wears pajamas and unflattering
nightwear,
and never any kind of
lingerie. I've considered buying her some lingerie with stockings as a present, but I'm worried about the potential response from her.
But for Christmas, I tested her by buying a typical pink
teddy. Quite tame by any standards, but she replied, "Will I wear this in front of you?" I'm quite
confused over this.
I guess there are many things I should learn about women, and I'm concerned that I'm seriously going to mess something up (if I haven't already). Is this
girl an exception to most women? Perhaps I should help her find her true self? Or maybe this is already her? Do you have any advice? I do know she was
treated quite badly by her parents and has a particularly bad relationship with her father, professing to hate him almost incalculably. Maybe she bears the
scars of a traumatic
upbringing. Please help! |
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