Should you wait if you really love a man?

So many things have to go right in a relationship for it to work that it is almost amazing that we have relationships and that they work. One of the common challenges that couples face is related to long-distance relationships. Another one is when one partner is ready to commit but the other is not. It is not that he or she is not committed to the person but she/he just does not want to say the big YES because of the timing.

Margaret in Sedona, Arizona, has been dating a wonderful guy for about two years now. She is already settled down with a good job and two kids from a previous marriage. He is still in college and has two more years to go. (Related article: Challenges of dating a mature woman) She tells me that they both love each other and can't imagine a life without each other, but her boyfriend wants to wait till he graduates and has a career before he ties the knot. She says, "He does say that we have a future. It is just believing him. Do I wait for two years until he is done with his school? And think that things will work out for us. He says If I love him then I would have no problem waiting. But what if I wait and it doesn't happen. I have been there for him already for two years of his college life and I don't see the need to break up. I have supported him this long and I do want him to succeed. I tell him he will meet someone else and I will just be the thing in the past and he won't even look back so he might as well let me go now, so it won't make it any harder. And he says "no way" and walks away and cries. He is very sensitive and has no problem expressing himself at all. I love him very much. What do I do? Do you think that someone can be apart for that long and pick back up where they left off?"

Your situation is delicate and you have to decide how much risk you want to take. There is a strong possibility that he may simply walk away from you once he graduates and then you will be left with nothing. You will not only be "older" (and thus have a more difficult time finding another men two years later), you will be hurt even more. Having said that, these things also happen all the time to couples who are very close to each other in age. They also happen to couples after 20-30 years of marriage. Divorces and breakups are part of life and even more so today than 20 years ago. So there is never a guarantee that something will not end in the future. That is why it is important to live your relationship in the present, not in the future. No one has seen the future and we can not think about the future every time we think about what to do in the present. If you enjoy your relationship with him today, it is best not to destroy it with the fear that something may go wrong in the future, particularly when the other partner says that he is committed to it.

And yes, it is possible for people to wait and then have a relationship. And it seems that in your case at least you guys will be physically together during this time. I have myself had a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (and now wife) for years before I got married to her. If the love is there, distance and time can be managed. I know couples who waited for years before they got the opportunity to tie the knot. During this period they went through ups and downs, lived in different places, and faced all the challenges that life presents to all of us.

So if you both love each other then it makes sense not to end the relationship now and instead wait to see what happens.

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