How to find out if a man likes you?

As anyone can attest, there is nothing worse than a crush, particularly if it happens when you are no longer a teenager. I remember when I got a crush on this blonde in my class in grad school and I simply could not sleep for weeks. And I never got the courage to tell her that I liked her. I even sent her a note with a hint (but not my name) and hoped that she would somehow figure it all out and smile at me. She never did.

But let us see what Carrie is going through. She is 32 years old and has a serious crush on a co-worker, who is 24. She tells me, "We've been "hanging out" for several months. We have not even kissed or held hands, but it's clear he enjoys my company, values my opinion, and admires my work. He's got lots of traits I like too, granted he's not as mature as I'd like, but that's not his fault. The thing is, he has a girlfriend. He calls her his "best friend" not his girlfriend, but it's obvious he cares for her. I have been encouraging and supportive of their relationship though deep down, I wish he was mine. I am trying to be a good friend, and only a friend, but he flirts with me all the time. I try not to think about him romantically, especially since we work closely together, but he gives me these ideas... I think he likes my attention. We have chemistry and we go out for dinner or hang out at least 3 -4 times a week when he is in town. He often calls me to tell me all about his day and to find out about mine. He is very sweet to me, and respectful. I'm just so confused - I'll give you an example. Last night he told me that I was very special to him. Tonight, after visiting with me, he leaves my house to go bring his girlfriend flowers. What is up? Does he want me or not?" (Related article: What do men want from a woman?)

So Carrie got too far than I ever did with my object of desire in grad school. But let me share my thoughts on Carrie's situation:

• It is always a good idea to read the HR manual once again, and this time seriously, to find out how good an idea it is to date a colleague. There are just too many complications with romance in the workplace.
• It is definite that this guy is a gentleman because he treats women with respect and has not done anything to hurt his relationship with his best friend. So you have made a good choice there.
• A couple of scenarios are possible (a) He really does not think that he has a girlfriend and his "best friend" is really that; but since she is his best friend, he cares for her and brings flowers to her. And that is why he is checking you out to see if you feel the same way that he does about you. He has sent suggestive hints to you because he might be wondering if you would be interested in dating someone 8 years younger (2) He thinks of you as a good friend and colleague and flirting might just be his personality. He may not mean much beyond having a few laughs with you. After all, you are his colleague. (3) He is wondering if this woman is stupid or what. Why doesn't she get it? He has done all that a man can do, including making you jealous, and you still think of him as a good friend.

So what can you do?

I think what you want to accomplish is to, one, find out if he feels the way you do about him or at least has an inclination to feel so. Two, to do it in a way that if you find out that you were wrong, you can still be great friends as you always were.

So here is my first piece of advice. Since he is already in a relationship, is your co-worker, and thinks of you as a great friend, be prepared to be disappointed. If you can take the disappointment with a smile, keep reading. If you find out that you were wrong, you should not feel that something was wrong with you, or you are not attractive enough, or he was just misleading you - he has done nothing of that sort and if he wants to stay with his so called "best friend" that is his privilege. (Related article: How to handle rejection?)

1. Ask him indirect questions about what kind of girlfriend he would want to have since he technically does not have one. You can ask about both physical and personality attributes. While this is going on, try to bring yourself into the discussion by referring, "You mean someone with hair like mine?" If he makes more than a few mentions of someone like you, chances are that he looks at you as a potential girlfriend.
2. Seduce him but be very subtle. You know when you are trying to sort of seduce someone, but can get away with it. There are millions of resources on the Internet on how to seduce a man and when you have done your research and prepared your own seduction plan, send me a note for approval. I will be glad to comment and provide some guidance.

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