Attractive thongs for men

It is not just gays and metrosexuals that do not like the traditional, dull underwear for men. More and more men are looking to try something different when it comes to underwear, particularly what they wear when they are with that someone special. And believe it or not, they are being pressured to do so by that special woman in their life who no longer thinks that white briefs are the only appropriate underwear for men. (Related article: Women expect men to wear lingerie like them)

The market for men's underwear in the US until recently was flooded with ugly underwear. Men in other countries, particularly in Europe and Asia, always had more choices. So men in the US had no option but to pick what was the next best thing to do - wear a woman's underwear. This became even more common because the trend is pushed by women, who simply bought at a woman's lingerie store what they wanted their men to wear. (Related article: Men who like to wear women's lingerie)

So when Dave asks, "I was wondering if a straight guy can wear girls' thongs?" the answer is that it is simply not right to assume that only gays wear thongs. Regular macho guys wear thongs and many of them no longer limit themselves to wearing simple, monochromatic thongs. They are experimenting with all kinds of designs and patterns, including the ones that have traditionally been worn by women. (Related article: Metrosexuals can be real, tough men)

Based on emails that I have received from men that have tried women's underwear or wear it regularly, let me tell you that while they are OK to wear once in a while, they are not designed for men and do not do what an underwear is supposed to do. (Related article: Lingerie for men) Recently, a reader pointed me to a company called Bodyaware that seems to combine the best of both worlds - great selection of fabrics, styles, and patterns but designed for a man's body. Do drop me a line and let me know what you buy and how it works out.

Recommended article: Women must learn how to appreciate men in lingerie

Find common ground to make relationship work

Kay, a 42-year old woman in Canada, is dating a 24-year old Muslim man. But not everything is going well in her relationship. She tells me, "We have been in a relationship for two years but I feel that I should end this relationship because I want more from him and I think that this will never happen because he's a Muslim and I am a Roman Catholic. I am confused. I wanna leave him but he is so nice. Though, he acts weird sometimes. I am totally lost and need help."

I think in Kay's case, there are a few things happening at the same time:

The age difference: While it may seem like a big deal to her, the reality is the world is changing. In my work I am finding that mature women are finding happiness in relationships with younger men. As Megan, a 47-year old who is dating a 28-year old, told me this morning, "Since I met this guy my whole world has changed. It is true when they say that a younger guy can do anything older guys can do and even better. I am treated like a queen when I am with him."

The different religion: I know that this can be a tough one unless both partners truly respect each other's beliefs. I know this because I am myself in a similar situation. My wife's beliefs are totally opposite to those of mine but we respect each other's beliefs. In fact we have never had an issue with this. So a couple can work out a system to deal with religious issues. In fact, I believe that marrying someone of a different religion provides a great opportunity to discover a whole new world. (Related article: Dating tips for Muslim men)

But Kay has other issues as well. For example, she thinks that he is weird sometimes. The bottomline is, Who isn't? We all find something awkward or strange about others. If something is truly offensive or impolite then you can provide some feedback and ask him to change. Otherwise, learn to appreciate it. He might find some of your habits as awkward.

My argument in such cases always has been that it takes no time to end a relationship but a lot of time to find the right one. And as Kay tells me, if her boyfriend is such a nice guy, then you really need to think before breaking up. (Related article: When is a good time to breakup?)

Recommended next steps

1. Talk to him about the religious differences. Try to work out a compromise that will make both of you happy.
2. Tell him what you find weird about him. Be direct but polite. The idea is not to attack his self-esteem but to provide how his awkward behavior makes you uncomfortable and how you would like him to change for his sake and for him to become a better person. (Related article: Self esteem issues among men)
3. Assess his attitude. Is he positively inclined? Does he want to do what it takes to make the relationship go forward? If not, you might want to move on and let him find someone who is willing to like him for who he is.

Recommended article: How to make interracial relationships work?

A life coach for a life makeover

In April 2004, I heard from Iris, an African-American woman in her thirties, whose life was just totally screwed up. She has had over half-a-dozen relationships, including three abortions. She was simply not going anywhere. The man she was dating at the time was simply abusing her emotionally and she did not have the self-esteem to just leave and move on. She sought my help in starting over.

I heard her story in detail, including her abuse when she was a child, the divorce of her parents, and her total lack of a plan for her life. She enjoyed being with men because that made her feel wanted and beautiful. (Related article: A simple program for women to improve their self esteem)

I told her that the first thing that she had to do was to take a 90-day holiday from men. I knew that it was going to be hard for her but I insisted that for that period she should simply stop dating and focus on herself instead. To my pleasant surprise, she followed my advice, broke up with her boyfriend, and started to do little things for herself: shopping for some trendy clothes, redecorate her apartment, get a few skincare treatments, and reconnect with old girlfriends.

Within 5 weeks, she told me that she no longer missed being with men and was truly enjoying her life as a "single". Not having the pressure of a relationship made her look at her life in a way that she never did before. She was now more interested in being beautiful for herself rather than someone else. She did what she wanted at her own will and for herself. Or in other words, she started to nurture her soul and that brought her inner beauty. At the same time, it gave her time to think about her life and she realized that if she did not take charge of her life, she would go nowhere.

As a life coach to her, I made another exception. I did most of my coaching online in her case since she could not afford to pay for my trips. What I noticed though was that she was very eloquent when she wrote. I motivated her to capture some of her thoughts into words and start to publish them. Specifically, I asked her to document her own experiences and provide
tips to other women. Well, the good news is that several publications accepted her articles and now she is a regular contributor to several online publications. She has been able to channel her energy into writing that she was earlier wasting on men.

Earlier this week, she told me, "For once in my life I am doing something that I want to do and feel I am doing the right thing. It is so fulfilling. I have learnt a big lesson: you can work hard towards something and not always expect something back but it is your belief and self fulfillment that really matters above all else. It's funny my life is changing everyday. Unbelievable. The way I talk, think and do things is just not the same. It's like I am another person. I didn not realize that writing could do this for me. It's like I have discovered a new power inside me."

I am so proud of the progress that Iris has made and I am sure that this article will inspire other women to reinvent themselves. Here are a few suggestions on how to completely change your life:

1. Be selfish for a while. Focus on yourself. Do what pleases you and matters to you.
2. Have a plan that will get you what you want. And then work on it without waiting for magic to happen.
3. Get a mentor or a life coach. It is well worth the investment. If you cannot afford to pay, ask a close friend to be your mentor.
4. Celebrate your new found you.

Recommended article: Personal style makeover

Intimacy is critical to a healthy relationship

I have dealt with the issue of men who have difficulty being intimate with their loved one. Some have physical problem (now treatable) while others have emotional issues. This can make the women in their lives crazy. My advice to men is that there is nothing embarrassing about admitting you have a problem and seeing a doctor or a therapist. There are simple cures for most complications. The reward is big: you get to live a more fulfilling life and please your partner. Let me deal with one example here to discuss this issue in greater detail.

Becky tells me that her husband is not interested in being intimate with her. He says it is because of her weight and appearance. She says, "I have been seriously ill and virtually bedridden for the past 3 years. The illness I have has caused major metabolic problems which have resulted in weight gain. However, even when I was thin and pretty, he did not seem interested in me. I feel as though I can never be perfect enough for him. He is a very fit, 45 year old, who exercises regularly - almost obsessively. I am 43, and though I am ill, my libido is quite healthy. I'm seeing a specialist for my illnesses and am making progress. I am working very hard to get well, lose weight, and become prettier, but I doubt that it will make a difference. I am beginning to wonder if I will have to settle for a marriage without intimacy, and I wonder if I will be content to do that. I am a very affectionate person, and he rarely even holds my hand or hugs me. He says that he loves me, and, in many ways, he is very good to me. He is not abusive physically or emotionally, except for withholding affection. I almost feel as though he is punishing me for being sick. I definitely feel that he has all of the power in our relationship, that he knows he does, and that he uses that power to make me feel inferior. This has gone on for 20 years. By the time I got sick, I had very little self-esteem left, and the illness has taken the rest. I am trying to build myself back up, in spite of his emotional and physical withdrawal, but it is difficult. Plus, I am starting to feel emotionally numb toward my husband. I recognize that we are headed in an unhealthy direction, but I don't know what to do. I don't feel that intimacy should be contingent upon my losing weight or being pretty, but should be a physical expression of our love for each other. I am not obese, and other men look at me when I go out, so I think I must not be too unattractive. But he does not appreciate my beauty, and he's the one I'm married to. Do you have any advice?" (Related article: Intimacy starved marriages)

Your situation is somewhat complex and let me first try to identify what some of the issues are:

• Your husband has not been interested in you for 20 years. That itself is a big problem and that is what I think you should try to deal with.
• He is not trying to deal with his feelings either. By telling you that he loves you and doing some of the things that a loving husband does, he might be denying to himself what he really feels about you. Using your weight and looks as an excuse, he is simply not saying what he feels inside.
• If he is not having an affair and is not actively seeking one, the best thing to do is to meet with a marriage counselor. A lot of these things can be worked out very easily. If he has other disorders like erectile dysfunction, he can get medical help for that as well.
• It also seems that you have self esteem problems of yours. First of all you have to take it out of your head that physical beauty is everything that a man is attracted to. If that were the case, Brad Pitt would have never divorced a drop dead gorgeous beauty like Jennifer Aniston. So you need to work on your self esteem. Some things are simple to do. For example, take better care of your skin. Dress stylish - nothing expensive, just trendy clothes that make you look charming. Similarly, invest in lingerie that you feel will do justice to your beauty. Redecorate your bedroom. Always smile. Feel your inner beauty. Chances are that when you will feel good about yourself inside, you will radiate beauty on the outside and that will bring him back to you. (Related article: Tips on being a sexy woman)
• I am not sure that he is really trying to punish you since none of the other things that he does indicate that he means harm. He does not appear to be the type of man who is really into cuddling and intimacy and that is not rare. Some men, for a variety of reasons, do have a problem with intimacy. So do all of the above and see what happens. Hopefully, you will see improvement. If not, then you may want to reevaluate your relationship.

Recommended article: Couples and intimacy

Commitment phobic men, how to deal with them

One of the things that women tend to do is to have a very strong belief in their capacity to love and change a person. It does work sometimes, but more often than not, it only brings pain. Women have to understand that a man is still a hunter at heart and while he likes the love and the attention that a woman can shower on him, if he is not being the hunter, he is not enjoying it. When he sees that a woman is too nice to him, as a man he might feel that it is his duty to be polite and pleasant, but he still does not want a long-term committed relationship or marriage. In other words, women perceive him as a commitment-phobic man. (Related article: How to seduce men?)

In this article let me discuss Lisa's case. She has been together with her boyfriend for four years but now he tells her that he needs his own space. She tells me, "We see each other quite often. He also said that he feels pressured for marriage since we have been together so long and he doesn't think he is ready. There is a age difference between us. He is 37 years and I am 25 years. When we first started going out, I was aware that he had commitment issues, but I thought that if I just supported him and loved him as he was, they would diminish. He also claims to have never felt love for anyone. So after 4 years, that hurts. I don't believe him though, as he has said "I love you" to me only after 3 years and he does things that stem from love. I don't know what to do. Should I give him the space and wait and see. Is it possible that this pattern (that has occurred in his other relationships after 2-3 years) will change? Or as you say is he getting a pay off in our relationship by being this way? I love him so much. I can't imagine being without him. But I don't want to give him my prime years and be left old and nobody wanting me! What should I do?" (Related article: Dealing with men who avoid commitment)

Here are a few things that women must absolutely understand about men:

• It is never a good idea to hope for things to change. They rarely do. If you are in doubt early on about some aspect of a man's personality, do not fool yourself by telling yourself that your love will change it. I have seen cases in which things changed but I have seen more cases in which a woman simply lost valuable years of her life trying to change.
• Men, the "hunters" and the "protectors" that they think they really are, don't always mean everything that they say. For a man to say "I love you" may be a way to charm a woman or to make her feel good or just to convince her to get into bed with him.
• If a man is resisting commitment, unless there are compelling reasons, it means that he is not interested in you as much as you are in him. Or in other words, you need to make a decision if you still want to pursue a man who is not really excited about spending the rest of his life with you.

What can you do?

• Give him his space for a definite period of time but on a condition that if he does not give you a commitment after that period, then you will be free to re-evaluate the relationship. If he does come back to you, that will be wonderful. If not, you will be free to move on. In the meantime, however, you will get a great opportunity to take stock of your life and make the changes that you need to make in order to be a better/stronger person.
• Just because he has not accepted your love, do not think that it is your fault or something is not right with you. That would be saying that somehow he is in control of your life. You did your best and if he did not appreciate your love, it is his problem and he does not deserve any more of your love. I am positive that there are other men out there who will be delighted to fall in love with someone like you. (Related article: Life strategies for women - believe in yourself)
• It is indeed true that we sometimes think that we can not imagine our lives without a certain person. The reality, however, is that it is tough but eventually we all learn to move on and start a new life. I am confident that with a little bit of help from inspirational books/videos and support of friends and family, you will be able to move on.
• Do not put your life on hold for one person. No matter how good he is and how much you love him, if he does not reciprocate, he is not the man for you. You live only once so make the best of it. Do not waste it on a moron who does not know how lucky he is that he gets loved so much by a wonderful woman.

Recommended article: How to find out if a man really likes you?

Should women propose marriage to men?

Sounds kind of weird but that is a challenge that many women face, particularly from commitment phobic men. I thought that the issue of women asking out men for a date was settled a long time ago. In other words, in a society where we want to treat women as equals, they should be able to do whatever men are able to do, for instance, ask a man out for a date, pay for a meal, buy a gift, suggest intimacy or seduce a man, and finally propose marriage.

Last night I was watching Queer Eye for the Straight Girl, and Melissa, who has a steady boyfriend (they also live together) has no patience for him to propose. The Gal Pals then make it all happen along with an engagement ring. Apart from a makeover for her and their apartment, they also arranged for a limo to pick them up for a ride to the Marina del Rey and then a meal at Café del Rey. Pool Melissa! She was scared to death but she did it, and the guy said yes. And the episode ended at a very happy note. Melissa discovered her inner beauty and got to marry the man of her dreams.

Why do men wait to make a proposal?

There are several theories out there, but based on my extensive discussions with men I have learned that it is mainly their fear about the future of the relationship. Many a times they fully understand the hints that the women give but then try to hold off as long as they can.

Should women take control by proposing?

Absolutely! It does sound awkward and you have to make sure that you will only hear a "YES". Like Melissa, you do not need a limo to bring you to a fine restaurant. You can simply choose an appropriate moment to do it. It could even be just your backyard on a moonlit night if that is all you can afford, but you can definitely make it special by dressing up, decorating the venue, and getting the sequence of events right leading up to the question. (Related article: How to find out if a man likes you?)

What if the guy says No?

First, pay attention to what the reason is. If it is a valid reason to wait, there is nothing wrong with it. But if it is avoidance of commitment or he does not feel the same way about you as you do, there is an opportunity to reevaluate your relationship. Do you want to work on your relationship to take it to the next level? Or is it a good time to puruse different paths? (Related article: How to handle rejection?)

Recommendations for women

1. If you think you have found the man you want to marry, then work towards it the day you know it. Hopefully, it will happen on its own; if not, just do it as Melissa did it.
2. If you want to act like a man, then you must also have the guts of a man. So if he does say No, there is no need to get devastated and go into depression. Just move on gracefully.

Recommended article: Meeting a man who is ready to commit

How to find out if a man likes you?

As anyone can attest, there is nothing worse than a crush, particularly if it happens when you are no longer a teenager. I remember when I got a crush on this blonde in my class in grad school and I simply could not sleep for weeks. And I never got the courage to tell her that I liked her. I even sent her a note with a hint (but not my name) and hoped that she would somehow figure it all out and smile at me. She never did.

But let us see what Carrie is going through. She is 32 years old and has a serious crush on a co-worker, who is 24. She tells me, "We've been "hanging out" for several months. We have not even kissed or held hands, but it's clear he enjoys my company, values my opinion, and admires my work. He's got lots of traits I like too, granted he's not as mature as I'd like, but that's not his fault. The thing is, he has a girlfriend. He calls her his "best friend" not his girlfriend, but it's obvious he cares for her. I have been encouraging and supportive of their relationship though deep down, I wish he was mine. I am trying to be a good friend, and only a friend, but he flirts with me all the time. I try not to think about him romantically, especially since we work closely together, but he gives me these ideas... I think he likes my attention. We have chemistry and we go out for dinner or hang out at least 3 -4 times a week when he is in town. He often calls me to tell me all about his day and to find out about mine. He is very sweet to me, and respectful. I'm just so confused - I'll give you an example. Last night he told me that I was very special to him. Tonight, after visiting with me, he leaves my house to go bring his girlfriend flowers. What is up? Does he want me or not?" (Related article: What do men want from a woman?)

So Carrie got too far than I ever did with my object of desire in grad school. But let me share my thoughts on Carrie's situation:

• It is always a good idea to read the HR manual once again, and this time seriously, to find out how good an idea it is to date a colleague. There are just too many complications with romance in the workplace.
• It is definite that this guy is a gentleman because he treats women with respect and has not done anything to hurt his relationship with his best friend. So you have made a good choice there.
• A couple of scenarios are possible (a) He really does not think that he has a girlfriend and his "best friend" is really that; but since she is his best friend, he cares for her and brings flowers to her. And that is why he is checking you out to see if you feel the same way that he does about you. He has sent suggestive hints to you because he might be wondering if you would be interested in dating someone 8 years younger (2) He thinks of you as a good friend and colleague and flirting might just be his personality. He may not mean much beyond having a few laughs with you. After all, you are his colleague. (3) He is wondering if this woman is stupid or what. Why doesn't she get it? He has done all that a man can do, including making you jealous, and you still think of him as a good friend.

So what can you do?

I think what you want to accomplish is to, one, find out if he feels the way you do about him or at least has an inclination to feel so. Two, to do it in a way that if you find out that you were wrong, you can still be great friends as you always were.

So here is my first piece of advice. Since he is already in a relationship, is your co-worker, and thinks of you as a great friend, be prepared to be disappointed. If you can take the disappointment with a smile, keep reading. If you find out that you were wrong, you should not feel that something was wrong with you, or you are not attractive enough, or he was just misleading you - he has done nothing of that sort and if he wants to stay with his so called "best friend" that is his privilege. (Related article: How to handle rejection?)

1. Ask him indirect questions about what kind of girlfriend he would want to have since he technically does not have one. You can ask about both physical and personality attributes. While this is going on, try to bring yourself into the discussion by referring, "You mean someone with hair like mine?" If he makes more than a few mentions of someone like you, chances are that he looks at you as a potential girlfriend.
2. Seduce him but be very subtle. You know when you are trying to sort of seduce someone, but can get away with it. There are millions of resources on the Internet on how to seduce a man and when you have done your research and prepared your own seduction plan, send me a note for approval. I will be glad to comment and provide some guidance.

Recommended articles: How to seduce a shy man?

When couples wear thongs

Last week I spoke to an ex-girlfriend Kay. Despite ending our relationship for over five years now, we are still great friends (Related article: Friendship with an ex is a great idea). We share a lot of things in common and often chat as we always did.

The conversation turned to thongs and I informed her that my wife had convinced me to switch to thongs after she herself did. I was never a boxer type of a guy. I always liked to wear high-quality nylon bikini briefs (my favorite brand is Hom) but when I started to date my now-wife, she sort of teased me about my rear and told me to show it off to her more often. We sort of went shopping together and basically bought thongs for both of us.

As is the case with most men and women, thongs require some getting used to. But trust me, once you start to wear them, you will never wear anything else and that is what happened to us. Now I have a big collection of thongs in my drawer though I still wear my bikini briefs.

Kay was intrigued by my discovery and was even more surprised that men would prefer. Men really don't have visible panty lines problem, she said. She said that she has brought thongs herself but never used them really since they get into some uncomfortable zones in the body, she tells me. When I told her about my wife's experience, she promised to give them a try by wearing them regularly for a couple of weeks. I will keep you posted.

Tips on buying and using thongs

• Buy only those thongs that have high quality material. Whether cotton or nylon or silk, choose something good. You can get away with cheap fabric for other underwear types but not with thongs and G-strings.
• Wear them regularly for at least four weeks even if you hate them. If you still hate them, then you are not a thong person. Chances are, though, that you will get hooked.

What is your thong experience? I would love to hear. Drop me a line. My email address is at the top of this page.

Recommended article: Thong styles

Mole removal by laser surgery

Very often we get so obsessed with one thing that is not good in our life that we forget 99 other things that are wonderful. For women, it can generally be how they feel about their bodies. For men, it can be their abilities to excel at work. Erica, who wrote to me recently, has what appears to such a simple problem but it has consumed her life. In fact it appears that she has lost so many years of her life that she could have enjoyed like any other regular person.

So what is Erica's problem? She has a mole on her cheek, and believe it or not, I actually like a woman with a mole (Julia Roberts has a mole). They are kinda cute, I think. But that is not what Erica thinks. She considers her mole to be so bad looking that basically no one else has seen it for last five years. So if you want to read Erica's sad story, it is at the bottom, but here is what Erica (and anyone else who is in a similar situation) should do:

• Either learn to live with what you don't like (and be happy with it) or do something about it. In case of a mole, you can simply go to a dermatologist or a plastic surgeon and ask her/him to take it off. While I am not a doctor and only a doctor can tell you how to take it off, if it is a good idea, what your options are, and how much it will cost, but I know that laser technology will eliminate it completely and you will look like any other woman within a matter of weeks.
• Since you seem to have self-esteem problems associated with this mole, you should wait to see how you feel once the doctor has taken your mole away. If you feel wonderful, nothing to worry. If not, you must meet with a therapist and seek her help to work on your insecurities, boost your self esteem, and build your confidence. (Related article: Self esteem for women)
• It is also wrong to think that our deficiencies make us unattractive to others. In fact we are often attracted to people who have something different about them. So never assume anything and let things play out.
• And finally, you must realize that no one is perfect, including models and movie stars. You only have a small mole but have you thought of women who are missing a body part or who need to have surgery after cancer or a million other examples of sick people. They all try to live their lives the best way they can and so should you.

Erica's story in her own words

"I have been facing this problem since I become self-conscious at the age of 16. I have had a wonderful life before 16 without any self-image problem. Looks suddenly became an issue when I entered college. It's not that I faced any difficulties from people during college life, but I become more aware and more understanding of things that happened around me.

So here is the secret. I have a big mole with bits of hair growing out from it on one side of my cheek. It has been with me since I was born. I had no problem with it when I was growing up or should I say, I was not even aware that I had it on my face. When I turned 16, I realized that I had it. I have tried to cover it up with my hair since then. I used to have short hair but now I simple don't dare cut my hair short. I played sports in college so I had to tie it up.

I have asked my friends from college about what they thought of my mole and they replied that their first impressions was that "Oh, she's got a big mole," and that's all. I completely understand that I am different but I continue to use my hair to cover it. Sometimes it is too hot for me to wear my hair like this but I never have the courage to tie up my hair.

This has also affected my relationships. During college, there was a boy that confessed to me that he liked me and wanted to be in a relationship, but I appeared to be "sorry, I'm not ready as I am still young." I was scared to accept his proposal because he has never seen my mole before. Since I have low self esteem I did not believe that he truly liked me. There were other prettier girls on the campus and I had known him for less than three months but I was happy because he was quite good looking. When I told my sister who knows about my problem, she said go for it. I told her that I was scared because he had absolutely no idea about my mole. My sister advised me to tell him about my fear and see how he reacts but I never did. I can't overcome my own fear of letting people know about my mole especially boys and so I rejected him. That was when I was 17 years old. We keep in touch and he still is not aware of it.
Now I am 21 years old but I still can't overcome the fear and live with my hair covering my face. I am very upset and depressed and angry with myself. I don't know when I am gonna overcome it. I hate myself because whenever I go out, I have to wash my hair because it sometimes doesn't let down in a way that can cover the mole. I also hate myself, because when it is windy which it always is where I live, I have to use my hands to stop my hair from moving. This is terrible and stupid. I know it but I can't help it.

My sister told me I am the only person who can help myself. I am desperate to get out of this life. I want to be free, without fear. Whenever I see girls with long hair, I always wish if I were them or I dream of other hairstyles for myself.

I have never told my parents about it because I know they will be upset but my sister told my father about this problem. My sister told me that my father said he should have gotten rid of it when I was born. My father is indirectly telling me "It doesn't matter what people think of us; it is how we think of ourselves that matters." Sometimes he will ask where is my mole, and that he can't see it. When I put my hair besides my ears, I felt so fresh and he said "That's my daughter."

I know how to be strong but I am too weak to let my fear go. I don't know how can I cope with it.

There are a few men that have showed interest in me over the past 4 years though I don't really like them. And because of the mole, I become very shy when I see boys that I like come and talk to me or when they approach me. I become very quiet and become the person that is not me.

I was thinking to go to psychologist and my sister said and she said that this is something very simple that can be solved by myself. I am scared that I will never be wanted by any guys and people on the street will always stare at me as if I come from another planet. I have never been in love and I can't wait to fall in love though I know love I can wait. It is this fear that I need to overcome as I am approaching the stage where I will step into the working world where I will need to meet people. Hope you can help me."

Recommended article: Plastic surgery for young women

Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston prepare for ugly divorce

When I first heard that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have separated and are getting ready for a divorce, I commented that to end such a beautiful relationship was tragic. More details are coming out including the fact that an "other woman" (Angelina Jolie) might be involved but what has disturbed me even more is the fact that there are rumors that there will be extended legal court fights. I would not be surprised if that happened because whenever another woman is the reason for a divorce, there are a lot of bitter feelings and a desire to "destroy" someone you loved.

How to separate and divorce without becoming each other's enemies?

No matter how much we all agree that divorces are bad, they are very much a part of our American fabric. As long as people will continue to believe that somehow we need to get married, there will be divorces. But when one out of two marriages in America ends up in a divorce, we need a better system to separate and divorce. (Related article: Is there an elegant way to breakup?)

We went through this sort of change in the job market. Remember not too long ago, jobs were for life and sometimes you worked for the same company that your father (or even your grandfather) worked. Today, a professional American is likely to have as many as six jobs in a lifetime. But while there is some initial bitterness when we get laid off or fired, mostly we just look for another job and move on. In fact, most people still keep their friendships at their prior place of employment and in many cases, end up doing business with them.

We need a similar attitude in our marriage. We like someone, we fall in love, get married, and if the love dies, we divorce. And then we should move on with our lives without harming the other person. In fact we should help the other person move on as well, and if possible, maintain a cordial relationship. Remember it is the same person that you fell in love with, have so many sweet memories, and planned on spending the rest of your life with!

Recommended article: Clean ways to breakup and end a relationship

Queer Eye for the Straight Girl

I was hooked to "Queer Eye for the straight Guy". Not only the Fab Five have a great sense of humor, it is an excellent program to get tips on style and cooking, both of which come very handy while going out (and you do not have to be a metrosexual to know these tips) entertaining or picking up girls (which I don't need to do myself but I do pass them on to my clients). So I was eagerly waiting to see what the "Queer Eye for the Straight Girl" would be like, not only because more than half of my clients are women, but also because I was curious to see what Robbie Laughlin, Danny Teeson, Damon Pease, and Honey Labrador would tell a woman.

So my initial reaction after watching the episode that featured Nicole H. is that these folks have a high bar to clear. Kyan Douglas, Ted Allen, Carson Kressley, Jai Rodriguez, and Thorn Filicia have set extremely high standards. These guys are not only some of the most stylish men around, they are creative, and very very funny. The Gal Pals are good, but based on only one episode, I think that the Fab Five are much more fun to watch.

So back to Nicole H, who I thought was extremely pretty with a great body, but just not feminine enough. She lives in a cute mess and depressed that she is 30 (Related article: Dating tips after you are 30). The Gal Pals have an easy project because I found Nicole to be a fast learner and not the one to resist change. And she pulls it off pretty well though I am sure that she could use some more feminine charm. And what floored me was her short speech after her friends raised a toast for her. She said (and I am paraphrasing since I did not take notes), "It is all within you and you just need to tap it."

So boys and girls, you can literally be what you want. Nine out of ten times, it is all within you. But you have to find it and then just let it come out. Yeah, you might screw up sometimes or some people might even make fun of you, but if you are confident that that is what you want to be, then go do it.

What I have learned over the years is that the most successful people are not the prettiest or the smartest; they are the ones who do stuff, who don't sit around waiting for luck to strike, and who plow ahead no matter what the barriers.

Recommended article: How to develop self esteem and positive body image?

Dating for pregnant women

Should women date while they are pregnant? Do men want to date pregnant women? What are some of the things to consider when dating while pregnant? These are, in summary, a bunch of questions that have been asked to me.

My immediate reaction is that as long as the other person knows that you are pregnant, there is nothing wrong with dating.

But do men want to date pregnant women? In most cases, no. The reason is simple: Most men feel that a woman who is pregnant and is trying to date as well definitely has a "problem" and most men avoid dealing with that. But I have come across men who simply liked a woman and when she disclosed that she was pregnant, it was not an issue. They were very supportive throughout the pregnancy. I personally know a few who actually married the women and everything turned out to be great.

Since many men think a pregnant woman has a problem, they sometimes try to take advantage of the situation by abusing the woman. So it is important that a pregnant woman who is dating does not come across as a helpless creature who just needs a man while she goes through pregnancy. On a similar note, women also have to be careful if they have intimate relations with the man. They have to make sure that the man is disease-free because there is a possibility that the baby may be harmed.

Pregnancy is a beautiful period in a woman's life and she should try to enjoy it. A relationship should not distract a woman from enjoying her pregnancy. So if possible, avoid having a serious relationship while you are pregnant. It is perfectly fine to enjoy a friendship.

Advice to men on dating pregnant woman

A pregnant woman is not a problem, as you might think. Indeed, something did not go perfect with her relationship. But that does not mean that you can not date her particularly if the woman is not looking for a serious relationship and is upfront about her condition.

As I said above, many men simply avoid dating pregnant women without caring to find out the background. So give someone a chance.

Recommended articles: "Birth control options" and "If Brad Jennifer Pitt and Aniston divorce over the timing of the pregnancy, then they did not do the right thing"

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston divorce for wrong reasons

While there are a lot of theories why Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are getting a divorce, one of them is related to the differences the couple have about starting a family. According to rumors, Brad Pitt wanted Jennifer to get pregnant while she wanted to pursue her career. What a sad reason for a wonderful couple to divorce!

When and if to start a family is a decision that many couples struggle with, particularly in the developed world where many people no longer believe that having kids is a must for a happy and fulfilling life. Unfortunately, while many people do not know this until they get married or might just say one thing before marriage and feel that what they really want is something else after marriage. Hence, a lot of unhappy marriages, and even worse, divorces.

How to deal with issues related to timing of pregnancy?

1. Be honest with your partner about your feelings when you start talking marriage. Tell her/him how you feel about starting a family, when do you think a pregnancy is a good idea, and how many children you would like to have, etc.
2. If you are not sure, share your doubts with your partner.
3. If your partner strongly feels about this issue and you have an equally opposite view, deal with it before marriage. Do not hope that either partner will change the opinion after marriage. Work with the hypothesis that the partner will not change and then ask yourself if you are willing to live with that. If not, it is a good idea to part ways right away.
4. There are other ways you can bring children in your life even if you do not want to have your own, particularly if one partner does not like the idea of having children: (1) host children of friends/family members when they need a babysitter (2) become a foster parent (3) "adopt" a child in a foreign country by sending a monthly contribution and try to visit, if you can (4) contribute your time to an event for a children by volunteering.

Recommended article: You can be fashionable even after pregnancy

Plastic surgery and makeovers are easy

Believe it or not, I have developed a liking for plastic surgery programs on television. Not that I watch all of them, but some of them are quite interesting. The transformations that people have in their personalities by just minor changes in their nose is incredible. I did think that The Swan was an obnoxious program (though it was very impressive to see the wonders of plastic surgery) with an equally obnoxious Amanda Byram (The Swan definitely needs someone a little better than her - she doesn't know how to talk, talks exactly the same way in each episode, and makes the contestants feel like s***.

But while watching the Extreme Makeover program last night what caught my attention was the case of Tess (originally from The Philippines, she now lives in Florida), a mother of two, divorced, and in terrible shape. While she did look somewhat unhappy with her body, she is a vivacious woman who is so full of life. Even though she is "old", even prior to surgery, she behaved as if she was "young". This is important to understand. Of course, we need to behave according to our age and be proud of where we are in the cycle of life, old and young are terms that we set ourselves. They are simply relative expressions of age differences and mean nothing more. For a 90-year old mother, her 65-year old daughter is still her 'baby'. But that 65-year old daughter is actually a grandmother. (Related article: Makeovers for women after 40)

Tess did her best at the Extreme Makeover Mansion for 8-weeks, and wow, among all the plastic surgery and makeover programs that I have watched, her transformation was among the best. And she did not have as many procedures as a typical The Swan contestant would have. The secret of her success was her enthusiasm for the makeover program, her commitment to succeed, and the bonus help that she got from the Extreme Makeover team because of her positive attitude. I often see women choose plastic surgery and then cry over national television when it hurts (of course, surgery is painful!). Not Tess. The only time she complained was when she missed her children, despite the fact that she admitted upfront that she was not particularly good at bearing pain.

So how can you have your own makeover?

1. You do not need to be on national television to have a makeover. You can do it yourself. If plastic surgery is what you need, do your research, find a good plastic surgeon, and get it done. In most cases, you can even work out a long-term payment plan to pay for it.
2. No plastic surgery will help with a makeover without a style makeover. While it is OK to have an individual style, it needs to be in harmony with current popular styles and fashion trends. Seek professional help if you don't know where to start.
3. Finally, change your attitude. Get any obsolete ideas out of your head that you are "old" or "ugly". Think positive and smile more often. A change in attitude will make you come across as a pleasant, cheerful, and hence, a more desirable person.

Recommended article: Makeovers are not just about losing weight

How to disassemble a kitchen faucet?

If you are wondering why someone like me who is an expert in a fine lifestyle is writing about installing a kitchen faucet, the reason is simple. I spent one day doing something that should have taken at the most 1-2 hours and I could not find anything useful on the Internet. So this is my contribution to making the Net a place for people to help each other.

We had a Moen single handle kitchen faucet (model 7385 series, ~1997) and its handle broke off. When I called Moen (wonderful customer service), I was told that it would cost me a total of $63 to get a replacement. A quick check of prices over the Ebay, Home Depot and Lowe's website told us that with another $50 we could actually buy a new one, and so we did.

Now came what I knew would be a difficult part - disassembling the old faucet, something that a spoiled guy like me had never done in my life. So here are some tips for you so that you don't waste time:

1. Working without the right tools is like working without your hands. Get every tool that you need. Most manuals will tell you what you need. You might feel that you could do without something but it is actually quite difficult and does not turn out that well.
2. Use lots of penetrating oil (WD-40) and give it several hours, or even overnight, to work.
3. Remember how the plumbers in the movies lie down on the floor and then slide under the sink. Do it. There is no other way to get in there and work without hurting your whole body.

The most difficult part of disassembling a Moen faucet

This information is very specific to the model that I was working on. There is no tool that you can find in your home tool kit that can help you take out the mounting bracket which is mounted with a nut. Literally, no tool will get in there. Initially, I tried my deep socket wrench that I bought at the Home Depot but it was less than 2 inches and was not long enough. A trip to several plumbing stores and even auto stores was no help. And there was no other way to get any other tool in that tiny space. While my wife and I were cursing Moen for such a horrible design, I decided to call them to find out if they had any tips. Well, they did. The woman was very confident that there are deep socket wrenches that are even deeper and one place to look for is Sears. We have a huge Sears hardware store close by and we rushed there. Wow, for an amateur like me, it was like a trip to a different world. There was no way I could find what I needed but with the help of a really helpful salesman, I bought what I needed: an extension for my wrench and a 11/16" deep socket.

And when my wife who ran to try it shouted that it does reach the nut, I started to work on it. In 2 minutes, it was off and the whole faucet came off pretty easy after that. Installing a new one was a breeze!

How to entertain at home?

Last year we made a conscious decision to make new friends (mostly couples) since we were relatively new to the area. Long time ago someone had advised me that to make new friends, you have to be proactive. So if you don't get invited to parties because you don't know many people, throw one yourself and ask the few people you know to bring someone along (we essentially asked them to bring another couple along). It worked and we made approximately a dozen couples as good friends. In doing so, though, we also learned a lot of new techniques about entertaining (we do almost all of our entertaining at home since it is cheaper and there is no time for the party to end). So here are some tips on entertaining:

1. Pick the guest list carefully so that you have a good mix every time. For instance, do not invite people with very big differences in age or do not invite one or two singles to a party with a dozen couples.
2. Clearly spell out the dress code in the invitation even if there is none. That way you will not have some people show up in jeans while others are dressed formally.
3. Ask for dietary restrictions in the invitations. When guests arrive, provide a brief explanation of the dishes.
4. Specify clearly if children are welcome. What we have found is that when we let children come, we arrange for a babysitter and a kids' area with some toys and television with few cartoon films.
5. As the host, introduce everyone to the group once all the guests have arrived. And then, if you think that two people need to know each other because they might have something in common, then make the introductions.
6. Keep an eye on people who may be having a difficult time finding someone to talk to. Entertain them yourself or make introductions to others.
7. Pay attention to detail. For example, if you are serving drinks and people will have them while standing, do not offer appetizers that require a dish to eat. Use toothpicks instead for the appetizers and provide a small dish in a prominent place to throw away the toothpicks. It is just impossible to hold a dish and a drink while you are standing and then also eat.
8. Make sure that you do not serve too much alcohol to the designated driver. When guests are leaving, check once more and if you see a problem, either offer to host them for the night or arrange for alternate transport.
9. Write thank-you notes.

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