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Breaking up for the very first time
How to do it right?
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Natalie
writes, "My boyfriend and I have been dating now for over
5 years. He has a serious
social anxiety problem - he never takes me anywhere
and he is always asking why I go out with my friends. I am
tired of sitting around with him - I want to go out and do
things. I feel like our relationship isn't going anywhere
and if I stay, I will be stuck and I don't want to. Every
time I want to
talk about our relationship, he says he doesn't want
to talk about it, and I think he knows it is bad. I think
we both know it, and while we love each other a lot, I
feel that it will NEVER work between us. I am tired of
just being the girlfriend. I want to get serious
and move on. What do I do? I want to
breakup
with him in person and I have never broken up with anyone
before. It has always been the other way around. If you
can help, please respond. I am sick over this!" |
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It seems that
you have taken the right decision - if you are not happy
with the relationship, there is not point in dragging on
and being miserable. It is also a good idea to do it
in person since you have had a long relationship. I would
suggest that you choose a semi-public place, where you can
talk but also avoid the drama that can happen in a home
and the process can drag. (Related:
Brittany Murphy Joe Macaluso breakup)
I don't
know if you have ever been laid off or laid someone off,
but that is exactly what you have to do. It should be
short and simple without any guilt and explanations.
Additionally, do not leave any doors open for
reconciliation. For instance, do not say that you still
want to be friends or he can call you if he needs you or
you love him but
want to still breakup. A
breakup is best when it is final and all ties are
broken. If you want to reconcile, it is better to
talk first, rather than breakup. |
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Start
off by telling him that you think of him as a
great person and that is
 why
you spent so many years with him. However, you
have given some
serious thought about your life going forward
and you have concluded that this
relationship no longer fits into the picture.
Hence, you would like to
end the relationship. And that's it. If you
have your or his stuff with either of you or if
there are any
finances to settle or any other loose ends to
tie, just mention those. "You can pick up your
belongings from my place on Sunday morning at 10
AM," you can say, for instance.
Give
him a few more minutes to speak if he wants to,
but then get the hell out of there and don't look
back - and I mean it. No need to answer pleas for
getting back or giving another try. If you believe
in trying again, don't
breakup yet, but if you have
decided to breakup, then make it final. |
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