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Relationship with a Japanese man
Be prepared for a roller coaster ride
In response your article that
romance with a Japanese man is not always
easy, I would definitely agree with the author. When in doubt, it is best to end the relationship rather than drag it for too long. I have been
seeing a Japanese guy since 2002 and it really confuses me how he can be so sweet at one point and totally indifferent after a couple of minutes. When he was still "courting" me, he was really persistent, but when we started going out, he was so unpredictable ALL the time. He would say one thing in an e-mail and negate it with his actions when we get together. Really confusing.
(Related:
Romantic relationships in Japan)
He left my country for good last summer and I was devastated. He promised he'll come back by October. He did not e-mail, did not call, nothing from him. I found myself searching for his name on the Internet. Any news would be fine, I thought as long as I knew what was going on.
(Related:
Commitment phobic Japanese men) |
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Then one day in October, he e-mailed me. I got so excited, saying he'll come to visit me and that he really missed me so much. So here I go again, completing the
masochistic vicious cycle of feeling good and hurting myself.
(Related:
Making love to a Japanese man)
Of course I went to see him, taking the earliest flight to the city where he was to be (did he really visit me?).
As I entered his hotel room, he hugged me saying he was always thinking about me and that he missed me so much (damn, then why didn't you call or e-mail?). Then again, I was afraid to ask, so I just played on. As always, he was attending to some work for his company and had to meet people so I just stayed in the hotel and waited for him. If it's any consolation, I would say, we slept nestled together, holding hands. We had long talks (but always avoiding the issue of him not getting in touch with me for months) and shared good laughs. We had fun. And once again, I fell in love.
(Related:
Black women and Japanese men) |
During our last night together, he was peculiarly aloof. I was hoping for a
romantic "last night" event. I was so
disappointed. Anyway, the next day, we both had to catch our flights. He said goodbye and said he'll come and see me again next year. Just that.
No
commitment. I didn't know know what hit me. Till now, he hasn't e-mailed. I'm not getting any younger so I decided to
let go and
move on. I can't go on preparing for yearly visits and stay
single for the rest of my life! (Related:
Commitment phobia)
Many would say it's cultural. But at some point, I would like to disagree. Sensitivity to other people's feelings goes beyond
cultural
barriers. So I conclude, he is not into me. But he could have just told me! Not leaving me forever wondering what could it have been, or if he ever loved me. |
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He is perhaps the most wonderful man I have ever met when we are together, but often, he quickly withdraws himself emotionally. Sadly, I wasted three years!
At the back of mind, I had a strong feeling that all was just a
fling and that I should not take it seriously, but I often rejected the idea. Deep in my heart I know that I fell in love with this man the first time I saw him. And that's a tragic reality I have to face.
Maybe I should try
Masi Oka. |
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